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Life hardly ever goes according to plan. Ask any man in a relationship and he will tell you that his wife is the one who usually gets on his case—and it’s usually for something almost any other man would gladly tolerate. In the world of marriage, men experience more blame, more anger, and more frustration than women—yet statistics show that women are more likely to seek couples counseling and less likely to divorce.

I’m a 38-year-old married man with two kids, a wife and a career. When I have a problem or issue, I like to vent out – but this can become a problem. My wife, on the other hand, feels that I should be more sensitive to her feelings. I’ve been told that I’m a “sensitive guy”, but she always feels that I should be more “emotional.” When my wife is mad at me, I always wonder why she’s mad at me. What do you think?

Women, you’ve heard this before: “Don’t nag,” “Don’t complain,” and “Don’t pester me.” Men, you’ve heard this too: “Just shut up and take it.” But what about the times when women are overbearing? How do you even know if your wife or girlfriend is being overbearing? Or is she just being bossy?. Read more about my wife gets annoyed with me easily and let us know what you think.

I’m an enraged man. Okay, I admit it. There’s much to be enraged about. The gun violence hasn’t stopped. There are far too many of our youngsters who are poor. Our surroundings are degrading. We are overheating the earth to the point that it can no longer sustain human existence. Our nation is torn apart. The political system is in disarray. Families are dissolving, and children are growing up without the caring guidance of two parents. Worse still, we take our rage, hurt, and anxiety out on the people we care about the most.

When anger brings us together to oppose tyranny and promote values of love, caring, compassion, equality, and abundance, it may be beneficial. When it manifests as anger, blame, or guilt, it may be harmful. I’ve written extensively on enraged males. My 2013 piece, “Why is My Husband So Angry,” continues to get feedback. “Why is My Husband So Mean to Me?”, an essay I published a year ago, conveyed a lot of the grief, uncertainty, and anxiety I’m hearing from women.

Mr. Mean: Saving Your Relationship From The Irritable Male Syndrome and The Irritable Male Syndrome: Understanding and Managing the 4 Key Causes of Depression and Aggression were two best-selling books that offered men and women advice on the underlying causes of the Irritable Male Syndrome or IMS and how to address it so that it did not cause permanent damage to the relationship.

Irritability, rage, and violence among men have recently made headlines. We hear about the latest school massacre, and women who live with and love an angry guy are understandably worried (see my essay, “How to Love an Angry Man”). But now I’m hearing from an increasing number of guys who want to talk about their worries about women’s anger and ask questions like, “Why is my wife constantly angry at me?” Here are a few examples:

Bob, 46 years old, married with two children, says:

“I have the impression that I am incapable of doing anything correctly. No matter how hard I try to satisfy my wife, she always has something to say. I consider myself to be a decent spouse and parent. My wife, on the other hand, treats me like a helpless kid. I’m weary of being held responsible for everything.”

Roger, 53, has three grown children and is married for the third time.

“My wife is an outright thug. In a fit of anger, she’s struck me, bitten me, and damaged items I care about. She’s gone so far as to threaten my life. When she’s around her pals, she looks nice and innocent, but when she’s alone, she’s abusive. To be honest, I’m embarrassed to tell folks how terrible things are. It just makes me feel less masculine. I’m despondent and despondent.”

George, 28 years old, has two small children:

“I cherish my wife. I do, yet her words slashed me to the core. I know she grew up with an abusive father and takes her frustrations out on me and the kids. I try to keep her calm and stand up for the kids, but her rage sometimes sparks my own, and I’m scared I’ll lose control. When will I no longer be held responsible for her previous injuries?”

What’s going on with ladies these days? Why are they so enraged with the males in their lives? First, like I did in my writings on angry men, I want to recognize that in the world of couples, there is no way to comprehend one spouse’s anger without also knowing what the other partner is doing.

I discovered that I was getting more irritated and furious in my own marriage. My rage, on the other hand, did not develop in a vacuum. Something my wife said or did would typically set it off. One of several “rage cycles” became apparent to me. I’d get enraged, and my wife would retreat. However, as she withdrew, I felt alone and lonely, which made me sad, which made me irritated and furious.

So, the cycle of anger-withdrawal-anger-withdrawal, would go on and on. From my point of view my anger was caused because my wife withdrew her love and affection. From her point of view her withdrawal of love and affection was a natural consequence of my anger. “What do you expect,” she would tell me. “When you get that beady-eyed look, cut me off, or yell at me, of course I’m going to withdraw. I’m like a tender clam who closes her shell to protect herself.”

She was the initiator, and I was responding to her, in my opinion. I’d tell her, “What do you expect?” “Of course I feel furious when you remove your love and devotion. I’m like a stricken seagull yearning for affection. In response, I screech, fly off the handle, and flap my wings.”

If we could understand that we each provoke responses in the other, we could avoid a lot of our furious arguments. Rather of focusing on who is correct (God, I’m having trouble with this one.) When I know she’s incorrect, how can I not react?) We must consider how to stop the loop of “I’m right, no, I’m right” and seek common ground. One of the questions I ask my clients (and attempt to answer for myself) is: Would you rather be correct or happy? Giving up our desire to be right is difficult, but it is essential if we want to experience true, long-lasting love with someone we can trust.

I started getting emails from men and women wondering whether there was an Irritable Female Syndrome after I published The Irritable Male Syndrome. I said that there was, and that the same four factors that produce IMS in men may also create irritability, anger, and depression in women:

1. Hormonal imbalances.

In The Irritable Male Syndrome, I discussed our findings, which indicated that low testosterone levels in males may lead to irritability. The opposite is true in women. Higher testosterone levels relate to women’s irritation and rage. Hormone levels fluctuate as we get older.

As we become older, our hormone levels decline, but estrogen levels drop faster than testosterone levels in women. I’ve already said that as women mature, they get more “testy.” Men are the polar opposite of women. Our testosterone levels fall faster than our estrogen levels. Men grow softer (literally) and kinder as they become more “esty.”

1. Changes in the chemistry of the brain.

Serotonin is a brain chemical that most people are familiar with. We feel happy when we have enough information running through our heads. We feel terrible when there isn’t enough. What most people don’t realize is that what we eat has an impact on our serotonin levels.

A high protein, low carbohydrate diet may cause serotonin levels to decrease, according to Judith Wurtman, Ph.D., and her colleagues at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology. Low-carb diets that limit or eliminate foods like rice, maize, squash, wheat, and other carbohydrates may make people irritable and furious. Many women who are attempting to reduce weight get irritated for no apparent reason.

1. Stress levels are rising.

It’s no secret that stress levels are at an all-time high. Our economic system seems to be on the verge of collapsing. We are concerned about whether we will have a job tomorrow and how we will provide for our families as the cost of living continues to increase. The world’s population has risen to 7.4 billion people.

Every day, according to the United Nations Population Division, 216,000 children are born. They won’t all come to our town, but we’re all under pressure, and our stress levels, as well as our irritation and fury, are rising.

1. Role ambiguity and overload

Traditionally, women’s roles were to care for the house and children, while males were expected to earn a living. We’ve broadened our responsibilities in recent years, especially for women. Women nowadays are often attempting to balance several responsibilities, which may leave them feeling insecure, irritated, sad, and, yes, irritable.

There is one source of women’s and men’s rage that has gone unnoticed. It took me a long time to see it in my own life. It’s the consequence of having a father who was either physically or emotionally absent as a child. My Distant Dad: Healing the Family Father Trauma, my latest book, describes my personal healing path and offers advice to those who are ready to face their own father wound. Send me an email with the subject line “father wound” if you’d like a pre-publication copy of one of the chapters.

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The other day, my wife said, “I think you’re being too nice to people.” Really? How can you know what I’m being too nice for? I’m being too nice to people? What does that mean? Do I say rude things? What do you mean? We’ve never talked about this, and it’s never come up before. Am I being too nice?. Read more about my wife is always angry and unhappy and let us know what you think.

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Frequently Asked Questions

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This is a common question that many people have. The answer to this question is that your wife might be mad because you are asking too many questions.

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Everyone wants a wonderful sex life, but few people know how to get one and even fewer people know how to keep it in a long-term relationship. Couples experiment with different postures and search for “sexy” clothing to wear. They are attempting to enhance their communication and relationship-building abilities. However, in order to really enjoy your sex life, you must understand the intricacies of what it means to be male and female. Of course, what it means to be a man or a woman varies greatly, but recognizing our differences as well as our commonalities may go a long way toward assisting us in developing deeper passion and love.

Sex Secret #1: Take charge of our sex lives as soon as possible.

I recall going to the shop with my mum to get my first pair of “boy shoes.” I’d outgrown my white baby sneakers and was looking forward to entering the world of men and ladies (though I had no conscious thoughts in my 4 year-old mind at the time). 

The shoe shop was vibrant with color and options, but I gravitated for the red Keds. I had no idea that Keds were originally produced in 1916 by the United States Rubber Company (now Uniroyal) and that they were the first shoe with soft rubber bottoms that allowed the user to discreetly sneak up on people, thus the name “sneakers.” I knew Red Keds were the most beautiful shoes I’d ever seen.

The salesperson walked into the back to get the shoes after measuring my feet. I was surprised and saddened to find that they were blue rather than red when he opened the package. I could see why they had sold out of my size of Red Keds. But it didn’t make sense to me when the salesperson told my mother, “Of course, he’ll prefer the blue, being a young boy.” I didn’t wait for my mother’s answer before telling him, “I want the Red Keds.” My mother shrugged but encouraged me, and I walked out of the shop wearing my first pair of red Keds boy shoes.

Sex Secret #2: Recognize that every cell in our body has a male or female gender.

David C. Page, M.D., is a world-renowned research biologist at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology (MIT) who specializes in Y chromosome research. According to Page, the human body has 10 trillion cells, each of which is sex specific. “In our DNA, men and women are not equal, and in the face of illness, men and women are not equal.”

Everything from arthritis to Alzheimer’s to heart disease has a sexual component. “Everywhere we look, the two sexes are shockingly and surprisingly different not just in their internal function but in the way they experience illness,” says Marianne J. Legato, M.D., Founder and Director, Foundation for Gender-Specific Medicine.

“On a molecular level, all your cells know whether they are XX or XY,” Dr. Page concludes.

Accept that men are the more susceptible sex. Sex Secret #3:

Except for mature red blood cells, all human cells have a nucleus that contains the genetic material (DNA) organized into 46 chromosomes, each of which is divided into 23 pairs. Both members of 22 pairs are virtually similar, with one originating from the individual’s mother and the other from the individual’s father. The 23rd pair is unusual. While females have two identical chromosomes termed “X,” men have one “X” and one “Y,” two completely different chromosomes. Sexe is determined by these chromosomal differences. The good news about the Y chromosome is this. We would all be girls if we didn’t have it.

The bad news is that the Y is extremely short in comparison to the X it is paired with. As a consequence, men are more likely than girls to have genetic disorders such as color blindness and muscular dystrophy. Males are more delicate and susceptible than females from the time they are conceived. Male fetuses die at a higher rate than female fetuses. Male babies are the same way. Male babies have the same problem. Male teenagers feel the same way. Adult males do as well. Old guys are the same way.

Males may seem powerful by puffing up their chests to make themselves appear larger than they are, but the reality is that we are always attempting to compensate for our inherent weaknesses. Why do men feel so insecure? We live in bodies that are fundamentally less stable than female bodies. Knowing the truth may go a long way toward improving our understanding of men. And better sex comes from greater understanding.  

Know that sperm comes from men and eggs come from females.

Males generate a high number of tiny gametes (sex cells) whereas females produce a lesser number of bigger gametes, whether they be ferns, fish, or humans. 

The distinction between maleness and femaleness is ultimately determined by the kind of gamete—egg or sperm—an person produces, rather than penis or vagina, breast or beard, color or costume, red shoes or blue shoes.

Nature has figured out how to combine the tiny and big gametes to start the process of producing the next generation of ferns, fish, and humans. Because it is simpler to transfer tiny gametes to big gametes than the other way around, it is the sperm that perform the swimming to find the egg that awaits the victor.

When compared to sperm, how large are eggs? Even though the human egg is tiny, it can hold up to 250,000 sperm. An egg is 85,000 times heavier than a sperm. 

What is the number of eggs to sperm ratio? In her lifetime, a woman ovulates approximately 400 eggs. To improve the odds of obtaining a big one, the male approach is to generate as many gametes as possible. Every day, a healthy man generates 500,000,000 sperm. 

On a biological level, sperm compete with one another for access to the precious egg. Males also compete with one another for access to the most desirable and beautiful ladies. Females must then decide whether or not to accept or reject male suitors. Though roles are shifting, our wants and actions in the mating dance of life are still influenced by this biological fact.

Of course, we must remember that we are more than biological creatures, and that just because we have biological inclinations that are evolutionary in nature does not imply we are helpless in the face of our biology. Because sweets, fats, and salty foods were precious and rare in our evolutionary history, we have an evolutionarily-driven biological inclination to consume as much of them as possible. Though we all have that tremendous urge, it doesn’t imply we’ll all become obese (though two-thirds of us will), but it does mean we’ll feel the tug of our nature all of the time.

Accept that men are drawn to many partners and females prefer one partner at a time in Sex Secret #5.

In my counseling practice, one of the most often things I hear from women is, “How could he truly love me and be interested in another woman?” “I love my wife and want to be with her, but I am still attracted to wanting to be with other women,” guys will tell me, typically in private.

This disparity is seen in all sex studies. “It is known that the male is more prone than the female to want sexual intercourse with a range of partners among all peoples, wherever in the world,” renowned sex researcher Alfred Kinsey and his colleagues found. 

Why? We may argue about the morality of this, but the fact is that male and female promiscuity have distinct biological implications. 

Let me be clear about something. I’m not implying that these inclinations are shared by all men and women. I know some women who have had sex with many guys, and I know some men who are sexually monogamous. Also, just because a guy is attracted to having many relationships does not imply he is forced to do so. Understanding our biological “pulls” may assist us in making informed decisions about how we wish to live. We frequently put ourselves and our relationships up for catastrophe by disregarding our biology and saying, “I would never become engaged with someone else.”

Keep in Mind the Coolidge Effect:

This proclivity in males is shown by a well-known anecdote. During the 1920s, President Calvin Coolidge and his wife visited a model farm. The farmer proudly showed Mrs. Coolidge a rooster that “could copulate with hens all day long, day after day” while the President was away. Mrs. Coolidge recommended to the farmer that he inform Mr. Coolidge about it, which he did.

“With the same hen?” the President wondered after a little pause.

The farmer responded, “No, sir.” “Tell Mrs. Coolidge,” replied the President, “with different hens.”

Again, just because a guy is attracted to having sex with many people doesn’t mean he has to act on his urge, and not all men have it. However, if you want to have amazing sex, you must understand our desire’s biological origins.

Sex Secret #6: Men tend to feel more intimate when they have sex. Women are more lustful for sex when they feel intimate.

The classic refrain goes, “Not tonight, darling.” “I’m suffering from a headache.” “I’m tired,” for example. Is it possible to postpone till the weekend?” This theme is more often heard from women than from men. There are numerous exceptions to this “tendency,” as there are to all “tendencies.”

Women, physiologically speaking, have a lot more to lose when it comes to sex, therefore they are more selective about who they mate with and the conditions in which they have sex. Males, especially young men, are willing to have sex at any time, in any location, and with anybody who is available. 

By researching homosexual individuals, we can understand the biochemical foundation of men’s desire for sex (before the AIDS epidemic). Lesbian women had much fewer sexual partners than homosexual males. Most men would want more sex than they typically receive with their female partner, and with other partners, if the woman they sought wanted to have sex as much as they did.

The majority of women, on the other hand, want less sex but better quality sex. Most women interpret this to imply that they must have an emotional bond with a guy and be romanced before they are ready for sex. Making Sense of Sex writers David Barash and Judith Lipton state, “Sex is most frequently what the guy wants and the woman agrees to.” “Sex sometimes results in closeness among males; intimacy sometimes leads in sex among women,” says evolutionary scientist Donald Symons. It’s important to note that these are trends, not absolutes.

If we learn more about what it means to be male and female, we can all experience “red, hot sex.” We are not captives of our biology because we understand our evolutionary-driven biological inclinations. I think the opposite is true. The more we know about male and female biological inclinations, the more empowered we are to make decisions that will bring us pleasure and satisfaction. Denying who we are as men and females leaves us more vulnerable to unconscious urges and desires undermining our happiness.

Talking about sex, men, and females elicits a wide range of emotions in most people. I’m interested in hearing your views and emotions on this “hot” subject. 

Please join me on Twitter at @MenAliveNow for further discussion.

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The game of life is one of the big issues that make men lose their soul. They feel they are not successful, not capable, not self-sufficient and lack control over their own lives. They feel so powerless, helpless and defeated that they are prepared to accept anything and everything. They are so sick and tired of the game that they are ready to give up and break down and give in to the pressures around them. They want to just stop playing, they want to be defeated and they want to give up.

You know how you can tell a great idea is hiding in the back of your head… but you’re not quite sure what it is yet? Turns out, sometimes the best ideas come to you when you’re not even trying to think about them.

“No one can save you but you”. Read more about being good at being a man and let us know what you think.

Today’s manhood is demonized and misunderstood. Some people think that maleness is intrinsically harmful and that it should be eradicated. John Stoltenberg writes in his book The End of Masculinity that manhood is “a farce, a trap, and those who would redeem it are fooling themselves,” since “manhood is a mask, incompatible with genuinely human selfhood.” Others consider maleness to be unnecessary. The witticism “A woman needs a guy like a fish needs a bicycle” reflects this concept. Some people believe that maleness is inappropriate in today’s society. “The feminist revolution is here,” Hanna Rosen writes in her book The End of Men and the Rise of Women. Men are on the decrease, while women are on the rise.” Finally, some people think that the only fundamental distinctions between males and females are those connected to our various reproductive organs.

I am of a different mind. Men, in my opinion, are excellent and have the potential to be great. Men are not superior to women, yet there are significant distinctions between them. Today, more than ever, decent men are required. It is time for men to band together in this time of danger, as my colleague Charles Eisenstein understands, to help bring about “the more beautiful world our hearts know is possible.”

Males are today’s canaries in the coal mine, warning us of the life-threatening dangers we confront in an unbalanced society. Hundreds of millions of guys are irritated and enraged. Many more are suicidal and sad. While some are sexually aggressive, the majority are sexually wounded and repressed. In a society that is growing more unstable and unsustainable, most people are unsure what it means to be a decent man. We’ve lost touch with ourselves, each other, and the rest of the world’s life, and we’re on the verge of destroying our life support system.

I assumed My Distant Dad would be my final novel after I finished it. It was my 15th book, and it included a lot of my personal background as well as my work with males. Carlin, my wife, said me, “I believe you need to publish at least one more book.” “You’ve dedicated your professional life to assisting guys, and we desperately need a book on ‘the gift of maleness.’ Men and women alike want to know what it was like to be a man before social expectations forced them to armor their bodies and emotions.”

Carlin’s challenge had piqued my interest, and I concluded she was correct. I’ve put up a list of fourteen guidelines that I believe will come in handy during these trying times. They are based on my own life experiences and fifty years of working with men individually, in groups, and in communities during the past seventy-five years. Others, I’m sure, will come up with their own set of guiding principles, which is OK. As a starting point, use these guidelines. Feel free to add your own. Rearrange them to meet your requirements. Join up with other men and let your emotions, mind, and soul open up.

If you’d like to read the new book and make suggestions for what should be included, send me an email with the subject line “14 Rules.” When writing for the first time, be sure to reply to my spamarrest filter.

Rule #1: Accept Maleness as a Gift.

If it weren’t for our dads, none of us would be alive today. Maleness is a gift to humanity, and it is past time for men to appreciate and respect it. “Every one of the 10 trillion cells in the human body is sex specific,” says David C. Page, M.D., a biology professor at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology (MIT). From the top to the bottom, we’re all men. Our brain structure, hormones, and each and every cell in our body all vary significantly. Let us rejoice at this reality.

Rule #2: Embrace Your One-Billion-Year-Old Past

The majority of guys are dissatisfied with their masculine ancestry. We grew up in homes where our dads were physically or emotionally absent. Our dads were estranged from their own roots, and we are all estranged from our male ancestors who date back a billion years. True, the first male cells developed on Earth a billion years ago, and men have continued to evolve since then. Knowing our past is important for understanding who we are.

Rule #3: Become a member of a men’s group and learn to recognize the sound that male cells make.

I’ve been a member of a men’s club that has met for almost 40 years. Carlin, my wife, credits my participation in a men’s group for a significant portion of our 39-year marriage’s success. We find our place among other guys in a men’s group, discuss the difficulties we all experience as men, and feel a feeling of belonging. “Boys need to be in the company of older men in order to hear the music that male cells sing,” writes poet Robert Bly, who nails this truth.

Rule #4: Break Free From The Man Box and Get Physically, Mentally, and Spiritually Healthy

We are taught that there are some characteristics that males must be (such as being monetarily powerful, physically strong, calm, rational, assertive, and tough) and certain qualities that men must not be by society (such as being nurturing, tender, soft, passive, quiet, giving, apologetic.) Men must understand that society often exploits men by providing a limited vision of what it means to be a man in order to be really ourselves. It’s time for all of us to be free.

Rule #5: Recognize your feelings of rage and fear against women, and learn to revere and respect the sacred feminine.

According to Sam Keen, author of Fire in the Belly, “a majority of men never break free, never define masculinity by weighing and evaluating their own experiences.” “And the one most important reason is that we never recognize WOMAN’s primordial power over us.” In his book Misogyny: The Male Malady, anthropologist David D. Gilmore examines how this reliance on the feminine produces a lot of hidden anger and anxiety.

Rule #6: Discover the Secrets of True Long-Term Love

The 5 Stages of Love are described in my book, The Enlightened Marriage:

•  Stage 1: Finding the Right Partner and Loving Yourself
•  Stage 2: Becoming a Couple and Starting a Family
•  Stage 3: Overcoming Dissatisfaction, Distancing, and Disillusionment
•  Stage 4: Developing Genuine, Long-Lasting Love
•  Stage 5: As a Couple, Discover Your Calling

The most significant lesson we’ve learned is that “discontent, distance, and disillusionment” are not signs that we’ve chosen the wrong partner, but rather an invitation to dig deeper, heal more completely, and prepare for the true pleasures of Stages 4 and 5.

Rule #7: Participate in meaningful rites of passage from childhood to adulthood and adulthood to superadulthood.

Rites of Passage have been established in traditional cultures all throughout the globe to mark the passage from boyhood to manhood and from manhood to elderhood. We have lost these essential traditions in contemporary culture. We grow up feeling that something is lacking in our lives if we don’t have them. These essential rites need to be renewed and revitalized.

Rule #8: Learn Why Males Duel and Females Duet and Celebrate Your True Warrior Spirit

Men have always been and will continue to be linked to the warrior spirit, which is distinct from war’s brutality and exploitation. We compete with other guys and show our personality via fun duels of masculine communication. In times of peril, men have always been called upon to defend and serve the tribe.

Rule #9: Recognize and Treat Your Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) and Male Attachment Disorders (MAD)

Most of us have had one or more ACEs (Adverse Childhood Experiences), which have been proven to have a long-term negative effect on our health and well-being if not treated and resolved. Male attachment problems are caused by these early traumas, which make it difficult for us to completely trust partnerships (MAD). They can be cured, which is excellent news.

Rule #10: Heal the Wounds of Your Mother and Father and Become the Father You Were Born to Be

Many of us were raised in homes where our moms and/or dads were physically or emotionally absent. By far the most frequent is the father-wound. According to psychologist James Hollis, a parent may be physically present yet spiritually absent. “His absence may be physical due to death, divorce, or dysfunction, but it is more frequently symbolic due to silence and the inability to transfer what he may not have acquired.”

Irritable Male Syndrome and Male-Type Depression should be treated, according to Rule #11.

In my book, The Irritable Male Syndrome: Understanding and Managing the 4 Key Causes of Depression and Aggression, I discuss the significance of hormone imbalances, changes in brain chemistry, increased stress, and a lack of meaningful male roles in an out-of-balance society. Fortunately, there are currently treatments available to heal these wounds.

Rule #12: Learn about your ancestors and accept yourself as you are.

Men may grow and say, “Hell, yes,” to the three questions we must all ask and answer by embracing our whole family history. 1. Have I lived a genuine life? 2. Did I love passionately and deeply? 3. Have I had a good impact on the world?

Rule #13: Discover your life’s purpose and contribute to humanity’s salvation.

We must all discover our real calling in life, which is always relevant to the times we live in. Sam Keen, a psychologist and philosopher, reminds us that:

“The radical future vision is based on the idea that the logic that decides whether we survive or perish is simple:

1. The healing of the Earth is the new human vocation.

2. Only what we love can cure us.

3. We can only adore what we are familiar with.

4. We can only know what we come into contact with.”

There is a lot that needs to be done, and there isn’t a single answer. Each of us has a responsibility to address a different aspect of the issue. Great men are being challenged to discover their own unique purpose and go to work.

Rule #14: Accept the Challenges of Aging, Be Present When a Loved One Dies, and Plan for Your Own Death

We all dread death and infirmity, but one of life’s last lessons is to come to terms with death, and the only way to do so is to be there with loved ones as they make their final trip. Being able to be with my wife’s mother when she passed away was one of the finest blessings I’ve ever received. Completely embrace life, which also includes fully accepting death.

Please post your questions and comments in the section below.

If you’d like to learn more about these topics and contribute to the forthcoming book, send me an email with the subject line “14 Rules.” When writing for the first time, be sure to reply to my spamarrest filter.

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As a man, you’ll know that the pursuit of success is the pursuit of manliness. When you see a successful person, they are almost always a man, and most of the time they are dressed in a suit. But they were not always successful, and they did not always dress in a suit. How did they achieve success? By being themselves. They did something that they loved to do, and did it in a way that they loved to do it. And then they went and did it again.. Read more about how to be a great man and let us know what you think.

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– Father Wound Harms Women – MenAlive – Last week, MenAlive published an article in which we shared why very few men have conversations with their children about sex. We received a lot of feedback and we have decided to further explore why the father wound harms women. Below, we provide some observations on how the father wound harms women – men.

For the most of my life, I’ve been coping with the father wound. My mid-life father got more unhappy when I was five years old because he couldn’t earn enough money to support my mother and me. He was sent to Camarillo State Mental Hospital after taking an overdose of sleeping medications. Many of us do not have a loving, involved father in our lives as we grow up.

Some of us lose our dads due to sickness, while others lose their fathers due to divorce, death, separation, or dysfunction. The wound is covered up, we go on with our lives, and we are frequently ignorant of how the loss affects our physical, mental, and relational health as adults, as it is with most losses.

A number of major studies have shown the effect of Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACES) on adult health. The term “adverse childhood experiences” (ACEs) comes from the CDC-Kaiser Adverse Childhood Experiences Study, a groundbreaking public health study that found that childhood trauma leads to adult-onset chronic diseases (including heart disease), depression and other mental illnesses, violence, and being a victim of violence. We are more prone to experience physical and emotional repercussions as adults if we had more ACEs as children. Bullying, the loss of a parent due to divorce, death, deportation, or dysfunction, physical or emotional abuse, parental neglect, or being separated from a parent due to sickness or injury are all examples of ACEs.

I was able to cure some of the chronic issues I had been having, like being furious, manic, and sad for much of my life, as I came to comprehend my own father’s wound. I’ve discovered that the father wound is often overlooked and affects both men and women.

“Kids have a hole in their spirit in the form of their father,” says Roland Warren, past president of the National Fatherhood Initiative. And if a father refuses or is unable to fill that void, it may leave a deep wound that is difficult to heal.” Adults who have a hole in their spirit grow up to have chaotic and dysfunctional lives. I discovered five ways the father wound affected women after reflecting on my own family experience.

1. The parent wound causes women to go on a never-ending quest for love.

When my mother was five years old, her father died. The father wound is created not just by the death of a father, but also by how we learn to see ourselves and the ripples that arise as a consequence of that loss. My mother, her younger sister, and grandmother were forced to move in with violent relatives since they didn’t have a male in the home.

My mother never spoke about her father’s death or how it affected her life, but she was always thinking about death and had six marriages and divorces. She never addressed her father’s wound, and no guy could ever replace the void left by her father in her spirit.

1. She views both men and women through a negative prism as a result of her father’s wound.

My first wife was the pride and joy of her father. Until dad died when she was nine years old, she had a very close connection with him. She was left with a devastated mother and an enraged and violent elder sister. She was lovely and beautiful throughout our years together, yet she could also be caustic and harsh.

I frequently had the impression that I couldn’t do anything properly, that she could never really see me and only saw me through a screen. She had issues with our daughter as well. I believe the animosity she felt as a child was transferred onto our daughter.

1. A woman with a parent wound may get angry towards males.

Certainly, we are all capable of being enraged. However, some women seem to be particularly enraged at the males in their life. Until she reached adolescence, my second wife had a strong connection with her father. He withdrew entirely from her as she developed into a sexual creature. She was confused, hurt, and furious as a child.

She could be passionate and loving one minute and then fly into a fury the next while we were together. She threatened to murder me on many times, and I later discovered that she had done it in previous relationships with men.

1. The parent wound may make a woman fearful of being abandoned.

Carlin, my current wife, and I have been married for 37 years. Carlin’s father was a vengeful and violent man, and her mother and he split when Carlin was a child. She was terrified that I would abandon her early in our marriage. She was always worried that something bad might happen to me, even after we had been married for a long time.

Fortunately, we were able to discuss and heal our own traumas such that the “shadows of the past” would not threaten our marriage. It wasn’t always straightforward. Traumatic memories become ingrained in our subconscious, and even when we are aware of them, we frequently avoid revisiting the unpleasant events of our past.

However, Carlin and I discovered that one of the major reasons we are attracted to the person we fall in love with is to repair our past. Healing past wounds brings us closer together and allows us to appreciate our relationships to their full potential. The most essential thing we can do to ensure a happy and fruitful life is to heal the father wound.

1. Women may fall in love with father-wounded males because of the father wound.

Carlin and I had both already been married twice before we met. We wanted our connection to be long-lasting, healthy, and passionate. Both of us realized we had father and mother wounds, as well as other scars to repair.

I think that many women who grew up with father wounds are unconsciously drawn to guys who have father wounds as well. If the pair doesn’t realize they’re together to recover, they may transfer their anger and grief toward a missing parent onto their partner.

Unresolved trauma may serve as an accelerant, causing even the greatest relationships to flare up at times. I think that healing the father’s wound would be more beneficial to the world than curing cancer.

I’m sure the father wound affects women in various ways. I eagerly await your feedback.

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MenAlive is dedicated to the understanding, education and prevention of prostate problems. MenAlive co-founder and creator, Dr. Ronald Herring, a well-known medical expert, the author of several books and articles on this subject, has been instrumental in promoting prostate disease awareness, education and research.. Read more about father wound affirmations and let us know what you think.

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– Father Wound Harms Women – MenAlive – Last week, MenAlive published an article in which we shared why very few men have conversations with their children about sex. We received a lot of feedback and we have decided to further explore why the father wound harms women. Below, we provide some observations on how the father wound harms women – men.

For the most of my life, I’ve been coping with the father wound. My mid-life father got more unhappy when I was five years old because he couldn’t earn enough money to support my mother and me. He was sent to Camarillo State Mental Hospital after taking an overdose of sleeping medications. Many of us do not have a loving, involved father in our lives as we grow up.

Some of us lose our dads due to sickness, while others lose their fathers due to divorce, death, separation, or dysfunction. The wound is covered up, we go on with our lives, and we are frequently ignorant of how the loss affects our physical, mental, and relational health as adults, as it is with most losses.

A number of major studies have shown the effect of Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACES) on adult health. The term “adverse childhood experiences” (ACEs) comes from the CDC-Kaiser Adverse Childhood Experiences Study, a groundbreaking public health study that found that childhood trauma leads to adult-onset chronic diseases (including heart disease), depression and other mental illnesses, violence, and being a victim of violence. We are more prone to experience physical and emotional repercussions as adults if we had more ACEs as children. Bullying, the loss of a parent due to divorce, death, deportation, or dysfunction, physical or emotional abuse, parental neglect, or being separated from a parent due to sickness or injury are all examples of ACEs.

I was able to cure some of the chronic issues I had been having, like being furious, manic, and sad for much of my life, as I came to comprehend my own father’s wound. I’ve discovered that the father wound is often overlooked and affects both men and women.

“Kids have a hole in their spirit in the form of their father,” says Roland Warren, past president of the National Fatherhood Initiative. And if a father refuses or is unable to fill that void, it may leave a deep wound that is difficult to heal.” Adults who have a hole in their spirit grow up to have chaotic and dysfunctional lives. I discovered five ways the father wound affected women after reflecting on my own family experience.

1. The parent wound causes women to go on a never-ending quest for love.

When my mother was five years old, her father died. The father wound is created not just by the death of a father, but also by how we learn to see ourselves and the ripples that arise as a consequence of that loss. My mother, her younger sister, and grandmother were forced to move in with violent relatives since they didn’t have a male in the home.

My mother never spoke about her father’s death or how it affected her life, but she was always thinking about death and had six marriages and divorces. She never addressed her father’s wound, and no guy could ever replace the void left by her father in her spirit.

1. She views both men and women through a negative prism as a result of her father’s wound.

My first wife was the pride and joy of her father. Until dad died when she was nine years old, she had a very close connection with him. She was left with a devastated mother and an enraged and violent elder sister. She was lovely and beautiful throughout our years together, yet she could also be caustic and harsh.

I frequently had the impression that I couldn’t do anything properly, that she could never really see me and only saw me through a screen. She had issues with our daughter as well. I believe the animosity she felt as a child was transferred onto our daughter.

1. A woman with a parent wound may get angry towards males.

Certainly, we are all capable of being enraged. However, some women seem to be particularly enraged at the males in their life. Until she reached adolescence, my second wife had a strong connection with her father. He withdrew entirely from her as she developed into a sexual creature. She was confused, hurt, and furious as a child.

She could be passionate and loving one minute and then fly into a fury the next while we were together. She threatened to murder me on many times, and I later discovered that she had done it in previous relationships with men.

1. The parent wound may make a woman fearful of being abandoned.

Carlin, my current wife, and I have been married for 37 years. Carlin’s father was a vengeful and violent man, and her mother and he split when Carlin was a child. She was terrified that I would abandon her early in our marriage. She was always worried that something bad might happen to me, even after we had been married for a long time.

Fortunately, we were able to discuss and heal our own traumas such that the “shadows of the past” would not threaten our marriage. It wasn’t always straightforward. Traumatic memories become ingrained in our subconscious, and even when we are aware of them, we frequently avoid revisiting the unpleasant events of our past.

However, Carlin and I discovered that one of the major reasons we are attracted to the person we fall in love with is to repair our past. Healing past wounds brings us closer together and allows us to appreciate our relationships to their full potential. The most essential thing we can do to ensure a happy and fruitful life is to heal the father wound.

1. Women may fall in love with father-wounded males because of the father wound.

Carlin and I had both already been married twice before we met. We wanted our connection to be long-lasting, healthy, and passionate. Both of us realized we had father and mother wounds, as well as other scars to repair.

I think that many women who grew up with father wounds are unconsciously drawn to guys who have father wounds as well. If the pair doesn’t realize they’re together to recover, they may transfer their anger and grief toward a missing parent onto their partner.

Unresolved trauma may serve as an accelerant, causing even the greatest relationships to flare up at times. I think that healing the father’s wound would be more beneficial to the world than curing cancer.

I’m sure the father wound affects women in various ways. I eagerly await your feedback.

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MenAlive is dedicated to the understanding, education and prevention of prostate problems. MenAlive co-founder and creator, Dr. Ronald Herring, a well-known medical expert, the author of several books and articles on this subject, has been instrumental in promoting prostate disease awareness, education and research.. Read more about father wound affirmations and let us know what you think.

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In 2010, I accepted a position as a medical educator at the University of Wisconsin School of Medicine and Public Health. As a woman, I wanted to help other women gain proper knowledge and understanding about health issues, particularly those affecting women. In 2011, a book was published to help women understand health issues that affect women differently, such as how estrogen can boost the immune system, or why women are naturally more inclined to weight gain when their partner is around. Unfortunately, the book was published by the University of Wisconsin Press, and the University of Wisconsin has a dismal reputation when it comes to publishing gender-specific medicine.

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The study of women’s memories has grown in the last decade, with clear evidence showing the sexual and emotional experiences of women in the past are being recalled, stored, and recovered.. Read more about is gender biological and let us know what you think.

“Men and women think, approach problems, emphasize the importance of things, and experience the world around us through entirely different lenses,” says Marianne J. Legato, M.D., founder of the Foundation for Gender Specific Medicine and author of numerous books on men and women, including Why Men Never Forget and Women Never Forget.

Gender-specific medicine is a very new discipline, having only been around for around 25 years. Dr. Legato wrote The Female Heart: The Truth About Women and Coronary Artery Disease in 1992, revealing that women’s heart disease symptoms are taken less seriously than men’s–and that women are less likely than men to survive cardiac surgery. Her research also discovered that men and women have distinct symptoms when it comes to heart disease. Men are more likely to suffer a crashing ache in their chest, while women are more likely to feel a transient discomfort in their upper abdomen, shortness of breath, and perspiration.

Prior to Dr. Legato’s study, it was assumed that men and women were basically the same, with the exception of problems pertaining to our reproductive processes. Gender medicine has grown in popularity since Dr. Legato’s study in the 1990s. In Austria, Germany, Israel, Italy, Sweden, and the United States, there is currently an International Society for Gender Medicine (IGM) as well as national organizations.

Every cell in our bodies differs between men and females.

According to David C. Page, M.D., professor of biology at MIT and director of the Whitehead Institute, where he researches mammalian sex chromosomes and their functions in cell formation. “There are 10 trillion cells in the human body, and each one is sex specific,” he adds. 

Our genes are believed to be 99 percent similar from one individual to the next. “It turns out that this claim is true as long as the two people being compared are both men,” Dr. Page adds. If the two people being compared are both women, it’s also accurate. When you compare a man’s genome to a woman’s genome, you’ll discover that they’re only 98.5 percent identical.”

“The genetic difference between a man and a woman is 15 times larger than the genetic difference between two men or two women,” Dr. Page explains. 

Let’s have a look at my wife, Carlin, and myself. In terms of genetics, I’m as similar to my wife as a male chimp is to a female chimp. My wife and I, as well as the chimp, share 98.5 percent of our DNA. This may explain why men and women often have trouble interacting with one another.

Our gender-specific brains influence how we think and act.

Louann Brizendine, M.D. is a clinical psychiatry professor at the University of California, San Francisco, and the co-director of the UCSF Sexual Medicine Program. Dr. Brizendine has degrees in Neurobiology from UC Berkeley, Medicine from Yale University, and Psychiatry from Harvard Medical School. She’s authored two books on the topic, named The Female Brain and The Male Brain, respectively.

Here are some of the major variations in brain anatomy and function that she discusses in her books: The Anterior Cingulate Cortex is responsible for weighing alternatives and making decisions. It’s the worry-wort center, and women have more of it than males.

• The region for sexual pursuit is the Medial Preoptic Area. In the male, it is 2.5 times bigger.
• The Prefrontal Cortex is in charge of emotions and maintains them in check. It is bigger in women and develops one to two years quicker in women than in males.
• The solution seeker is the Temporal Parietal Junction. It’s more active in the male brain, comes online faster, and rushes to a “fix-it-now” answer.
• Gut emotions are centered in the Insula. In women, it is bigger and more active.
• The Hippocampus is the emotional memory center. It’s the elephant who will never forget a quarrel, a romantic meeting, or a sensitive moment—and will make sure you don’t either. In women, it is bigger and more active.

Why Do Men Forget and Women Never Forget? There Are Good, Gender-Specific Reasons

Women have a greater rate of blood flow to memory-related areas of the brain. “This is one of the explanations experts offer for the overwhelming evidence that women have superior immediate and delayed memory of the spoken word,” says Dr. Marianne Legato, M.D. The greater amounts of estrogen in women aid memory. Dr. Legato believes that higher levels of it are linked to greater learning and memory, which may explain why women are better at these activities.

The main discovery that women recall stressful experiences better than males is due to estrogen. This is why. During a stressful event, estrogen not only stimulates a wider field of neurons in women, meaning they feel the stress more strongly, but it also extends the time the adrenal gland secretes the stress hormone cortisol, which is also a natural memory enhancer.

Learning to Hear the Sound Our Cells Make Can Help Us All Live Happier Lives

Understanding ourselves can only help us avoid illness and recover faster. Boys should spend time with elder males in the tribe, according to poet Robert Bly, in order to “hear the music that male cells sing.” He clearly grasped the significance of being aware of one’s own identity, whether male or female. Consider what it means to have each of our cells “singing” a male or female tune, depending on whether we’re men or women.

Dr. Page explains, “So all your cells know whether they are XX or XY on a biochemical level.” “It is true that most of today’s illness research, which aims to understand the causes and cures of disease, fails to account for this most basic difference between men and women.”

“Rather than our present gender neutral approach, we need to create a better tool kit for academics that is XX and XY informed,” Page says. We need a toolkit that identifies the underlying differences between XY and XX at the cellular, organ, system, and human levels. I think we will arrive at a completely different paradigm for understanding and treating human illness if we accomplish this.”

What are your thoughts? In the comments area below, please share your views, questions, and experiences.

I’d also want to encourage you to join me on Twitter @MenAliveNow for a continuing discussion.

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Mid-life relationships can be fraught with misunderstandings, conflict, uncertainty, anger, and even violence and divorce.  Millions of men suffer from low self-esteem, lack of confidence, and fear of rejection.  Men in mid-life marriages are often referred to as “borderline men” and are often unsure of the future of their relationships.  Even worse, many men feel alone and experience a lack of support from friends, family members, and their partner.  The reality is however, that many men will get through this stage of life without their marriages ending.

Today’s men are faced with a unique challenge: how to make the transition from a carefree bachelor life to an expanded family life. While there are many books and articles written on how to make this transition, we believe those who are in their 30’s and 40’s are probably the ones who are most likely to need this advice, since many of the kids are grown and the couple’s resources are spreading.

In the mid-life years between 40 and 55 years old, male couples often struggle with many of the same issues confronting their younger counterparts: money, sex, kids and more—and none of the solutions work as well as they used to. We are here to help you save your marriage, and we’re going to break it down into five simple stages.. Read more about stages in a relationship and let us know what you think.

It all looked so easy when I was a kid watching romance movies. Discover your true love, earn their affection, and live happily ever after. However, it never seems to work out as well in reality as it does in the movies. After 10 years, my first marriage ended in divorce. My second marriage was just three years long. I didn’t think I was a very good role model for what I was attempting to educate individuals who came to me for assistance as a professional marital and family counselor.

The figures were not encouraging. Around half of all first marriages end in divorce, while 60% of second marriages end in disaster. Even good marriages do not always last, and many individuals suffer from emotional difficulties as a consequence. During each of my marriages, I experienced anxiety and despair.

Furthermore, the pressures of middle age make marriage especially riskier for individuals over 40. In my forthcoming book, The Enlightened Marriage: The 5 Transformative Stages of Relationships and Why the Best Is Yet to Come, which will be released in August 2016, I reference data that indicates that couples in their forties and fifties are especially vulnerable to divorce.

According to a recent study, the divorce rate among people fifty and older more than quadrupled between 1990 and 2010. In 1990, one out of every ten divorced individuals was above the age of fifty. In 2010, almost one out of every four divorces included people over the age of fifty. According to the research, over 600,000 individuals aged fifty and above divorced in 2010, with the number of mid-life divorces projected to rise each year.

This is a big tragedy in my opinion, since middle age is typically a period when couples look forward to spending more time together. The children may be older or need less day-to-day care, and the couple yearns for “just us” time. However, for many, things begin to fall apart, and the pair finds themselves in difficulty. Here are some of the responses to my previous post, 5 Secrets for Saving Your Mid-Life Marriage – Even When Only One of You Is Trying to Keep It Alive:

“I am in a 42-year marriage and have been going through a difficult patch for the past several years,” one guy said. Things are getting worse, and I’m not sure whether they’ll ever get better.”

“I don’t know how to preserve a marriage when my husband spends hours in the gym trying to become muscular, goes off with another woman, leaves his twenty-year career, and is pushing for a divorce,” a worried lady said. I’ve been in this nightmare for 18 months, and the desire to divorce is greater than ever.”

These are not straightforward problems. Irritable male syndrome (IMS) and depression affect many men, although they are often unaware of their symptoms. My Irritable Male Syndrome questionnaire has been taken by over 60,000 men and women. One concerned reader had the following to say: “I am convinced that my 17-year-old spouse suffers from IMS. He’s come a long way from the guy I married. We have three lovely children and a life that I thought was perfect. He began to exhibit symptoms of sadness last year. I urged him to get treatment and did all I could to assist him. He informed me this past summer that he no longer loves me and that he wanted time to reflect. We’ve been apart for two months, and he’s said that he’s no closer to reaching a choice on our future.”

 Understanding the five phases of relationships and why so many people stop at stage three has proven to be the key to salvaging our mid-life marriages. After more than four decades as a marital and family therapist, I’ve discovered that the majority of people are looking for love in all the wrong places. The first two phases of a relationship are well-known:

The First Stage: Falling in Love Stage 2: Forming a Partnership

In the early months and years of a marriage, we fall in love. Then, over time, we become closer, become a couple, and begin to create a life together. Most of us grew up thinking that these were the sole phases of love and that we could skip on to “We live happily ever after.” It’s understandable that when we’re going through a rough patch, we believe we’ve picked the incorrect spouse and need to start over with someone fresh. However, I’ve discovered that disappointment and despair are really the third stage of a successful marriage.

We are really at the start of the greatest period of our lives if we stick it out and dig deeper.

Disillusionment is the third stage. Stage 4: Developing Genuine, Long-Lasting Love Stage 5: As a couple, discover your calling.

Recognize the real objective of stage 3 if you want to remain on track. Our disagreements are generally not indications that we’ve picked the incorrect spouse, but rather that we’ve chosen the ideal mate. Most couples find this difficult to comprehend. One lady said, “Are you joking, how can this be perfect?” “We’re both in a bad mood.”

When I explained to the couple that 90% of the pain they were feeling was the consequence of the resurfacing of old wounds from previous relationships dating back to childhood, it helped them see that the difficulties they were having as a couple were not the cause of their suffering. Our partner is the ideal individual to bring these past scars to the surface. They are uncomfortable, but they can be treated. We repair our current connection as we heal the past.

I recognized that the same fury I felt against Carlin when she appeared to be shutting down was the same anger I had toward my father, who was distant and sad, in my own marriage. Growing up with a mother who was constantly scared of death, I had the same concern and anxiety when I was uncertain of myself.

Couples may manage their suffering with love, support, and direction if they understand that there is a purpose for it. Couples are therefore far more likely to stick it out and go to stages 4 and 5, developing genuine, enduring love and discovering your purpose as a pair. When individuals reach stage 3 disillusionment, I want to encourage them by saying, “Don’t give up, go deeper.” The very best is yet to come.”

I’m working on an online course to help couples through this process. If you’d like to learn more, please subscribe to our email list and we’ll keep you updated. Please feel free to post comments and ask questions in the interim. I’ll be happy to respond.

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I don’t get why men get angry when women don’t respond to something they said. I have what I think is a pretty “normal” relationship with a woman I’ve been seeing for two years. I only get upset if she ignores what I say directly, but if she intends to ignore me then I’m fine with that. I feel like men and women have different social communication styles.

Women are emotional creatures with high expectations. If you’re in a relationship, this can seriously interfere with a happy marriage. After all, everyone knows that men and women are programmed to be different. But if you use this logic as your guide, you’d learn that women should never complain, and men should never get upset. This is what so many people believe.

Men get angry with women for a lot of silly reasons. But before you start throwing things, think about the following funny story. A man goes to the doctor’s office and the doctor says, “I don’t know what’s wrong with you but here are some things you can do to help:. Read more about when a man is angry with a woman and let us know what you think.

Anger has always been an issue in my life. It had a role in the termination of two of my marriages and was on the verge of ending a third. When my anger was brought to my attention, typically by my wife, I got defensive and yelled, “I’m not angry, God damn it!” I felt befuddled, out of control, and righteous on the inside. I’d tell myself in my head, “Well, who wouldn’t become upset when someone attacks you as she is?”

My wife was perplexed when I attempted to convey my emotions to her. Nothing she did felt like an assault to her, and I couldn’t put my finger on what it was about what she said that made her defensive. Clearly, my rage was not directed at “nothing,” but the source of my rage remained a mystery for a long time.

It took me years to figure out why my wife was terrified of me. I never struck her. So, I reasoned, she’s just being too sensitive. I was oblivious to my furious outbursts and the stares I was giving her. “You get that beady-eyed expression that chills my soul when you become furious, even when you’re trying to hold it in,” my wife said.

Carlin, my wife, and I have been together for 38 years. For both of us, this is our third marriage, and we’ve learned a lot about why we’re the way we are and how to cope with my rage. Margaret Atwood, the author, provides an incisive analysis of a male/female relationship that has taken us years to comprehend.  

“Men are terrified that women would laugh at them,” adds Atwood. Women are terrified of being killed by men.” Do you ever read anything and think to yourself, “I know what she’s saying is correct,” but you can’t exactly articulate why?

These two assertions seem to be contradictory. They don’t seem to be equally weighted. How can the fear of being laughed at be compared to the dread of being killed? Nonetheless, Atwood implies that the dread of dying and the fear of being laughed at are similar.

Women’s fear of being murdered by a male is far simpler to comprehend than men’s dread of being laughed at by a woman. Men are larger, stronger, and more aggressive than women. We see instances of male aggression in the news every day. Mass shootings, men murdering their wives and girlfriends in jealous fury, rapes, and sexual harassment are all commonplace.

To understand why males are frightened of being laughed at by women, we must enter the world of men and attempt to view things from their perspective. Here are some of the key points I’ve learned throughout the years:

• For men, being born of a woman has a distinct significance than for females.

All girls soon discover that they are the same sex as their mothers, and a fundamental identity emerges: “I’m a female, like Mom, and I can grow up to be like her.” All guys are taught that they are the opposite sex, and they experience a fundamental disappointment when they discover they will never be like their mother.

• Males are reliant on women, yet they are fearful and conflicted about it.

sociologist David Gilmore explains the almost ubiquitous hatred of, disdain for, or entrenched bias towards women that is embedded into the male psyche in his book Misogyny: The Male Malady. He claims that it comes from unresolved conflicts between men’s great desire for and reliance on women, as well as their equally intense dread of that dependence, and that the fundamental cause of our rage is virtually entirely subconscious.

• Here are some of the subconscious demands that men choose to ignore since they are unpleasant to acknowledge:
• Unconscious desires to revert to childhood
• Suffering from a desire to suckle at the breast
• To go back to the womb
• The strong desire to give over one’s male individuality to the all-powerful mother of childhood imagination.

“All of these hidden impulses generate unconscious resistance, internal conflict, and, as a result, psychological upheaval in men,” says Gilmore. Men’s ambivalence about women produces an unpleasant and never-ending tension on every psychological level, leading to an attempt to alleviate the turmoil by assaulting the source of the trouble: women.

 Men may be open about their anger or keep it hidden. Their rage may be either violent and explosive, or quiet and “gentle.” I pretended to be the good person most of the time, but my rage would surface in unexpected ways. An anniversary would be forgotten by me. I’d have an affair with my wife’s closest friend. I’d pay attention to her, but not completely. I’d forget to buy her something she’d asked for. Does this ring a bell?

• Men have an unspoken connection with WOMAN.

Sam Keen’s book, Fire in the Belly: On Being a Man, provides a viewpoint that I find particularly compelling. “It took a long time for it to sink in that WOMAN had such a profound impact on my life and the lives of all the guys I knew,” recalls Keen. “I am not talking about real women, but about WOMEN, those larger-than-life shadowy female characters that occupy our imaginations, influence our emotions, and indirectly give shape to many of our actions,” he continues.

“One of the main duties of manhood,” according to Keen, “is to examine the unconscious emotions that surround our different ideas of WOMAN, to dispel false mystification, to dissolve the hazy sense of danger and dread, and ultimately to come to appreciate and adore the strangeness of womankind.”

“It may be helpful to conceive of sexual-spiritual maturation—the path to manhood—as a process of transforming WOMAN into women, into Jane (or one particular woman), of learning to view members of the opposite sex not as archetypes or members of a class but as individuals,” he concludes.

“More than the woman in our bedrooms or boardrooms, it is the WOMAN in our minds who causes most of our problems,” Keen concludes. “And before we can learn to love women, these archetypal creatures—goddesses, bitches, angels, Madonnas, castrators, witches, Gypsy maidens, earth mothers—must be exorcised from our thoughts and hearts.”

• The dread of being mocked and humiliated is the biggest worry of men.

I recall being in a room with my mother and a group of people from the neighborhood. They were discussing their spouses while laughing hysterically at the men’s numerous flaws. I was six years old at the time. I don’t recall the specifics of their concerns, but the emotions of pity, disdain, and disrespect that they instilled in me almost seventy years ago are still fresh in my mind.

I was embarrassed of my father for failing to meet my mother’s standards, and as a six-year-old, I vowed that I would die before allowing a woman to speak negatively about me.

“I have yet to witness a significant act of violence that was not prompted by the experience of feeling embarrassed and humiliated, disrespected and ridiculed,” says James Gilligan, M.D., one of the world’s leading specialists on male violence and author of Violence: Our Deadly Epidemic and Its Cause. Men often internalize their guilt, becoming sad and suicidal, while women’s rage is frequently shame-based and linked to feeling overwhelmed by feminine strength.

• As a consequence of the parent wound, most men have a hole in their spirit.

My mid-life father got more enraged and sad when I was five years old because he couldn’t earn enough money to maintain his family. He took an overdose of sleeping pills and was sent to the state mental institution because he was unable to fulfill the responsibilities of being the family’s only earner.

If a boy does not have a physically and emotionally present father, he will cling more tightly to his mother, which will heighten his anxiety and wrath. This was true for myself, and many other guys I know, as well. I needed my mum much more now that my father was gone. I was furious at my father for leaving and at my mother for making me feel even more overwhelmed by her intensity.

Richard Rohr founded the international movement known as Men As Learners & Elders (M.A.L.E.s), which focuses on ritual and rites of passage to encourage men to greater spiritual consciousness. He says, “In the heart of every man is a hunger for his father. It’s one of those inevitable things. It happens in both boys and girls actually, but the essence of this hunger is vitally different. There is something about the connection between the child and the same-sex parent that, when unmet, creates a gaping hole in their souls.”

Men are enraged by women’s laughing because they make us feel vulnerable and embarrassed. Because so many of us have a hole in our hearts, even a little burst of laughter may seem like a tremendous assault. We must repair the father wound in order to fully love ourselves and the women in our life.

Return of the Puppet Man: Healing a Man’s Anger and His Father Wound is my latest book. Later this year, it will be accessible. Send me an email if you’d like a free copy of the first chapter. In the subject line, type “father wound.” Your feedback is welcome and appreciated here.

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It might sound a bit too personal, but if you’re a man, you’ve likely experienced a lot of the same anger and frustration that I have. I want to explain why this is, and why it’s not okay for men to be angry about this. This isn’t for the men who don’t feel angry, because you might not understand; this is for the men who do understand, but who may not be doing anything about it.. Read more about signs a man has anger issues and let us know what you think.

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Men are more likely to get angry over small things because they have a larger sense of entitlement.”}},{“@type”:”Question”,”name”:”What causes a man to rage?”,”acceptedAnswer”:{“@type”:”Answer”,”text”:”
Rage is a feeling of intense, uncontrollable anger. It can be caused by many things, such as frustration, jealousy, or even boredom.”}},{“@type”:”Question”,”name”:”Is anger a sign of love?”,”acceptedAnswer”:{“@type”:”Answer”,”text”:”

Anger is a sign of love when it comes from the right place.”}}]}

Frequently Asked Questions

Why does a man get angry over small things?

Men are more likely to get angry over small things because they have a larger sense of entitlement.

What causes a man to rage?

Rage is a feeling of intense, uncontrollable anger. It can be caused by many things, such as frustration, jealousy, or even boredom.

Is anger a sign of love?

Anger is a sign of love when it comes from the right place.

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Testosterone is the “male” hormone. Men produce testosterone, but women do not. Although testosterone is naturally produced by both men and women, its presence in the female body is rare and negligible. So it can be said that the presence of testosterone in men is a “male” thing. However, the presence of testosterone in women is not a “male” thing – it is a “female” thing.

Male anger, testosterone, and depression are major concerns. This is a subject that has been discussed on MenAlive for a number of years, but has not been fully explored.

The following issues are caused by chronic and extreme anger:

• Increases a man’s risk of hypertension and heart disease.
• Relationships are strained, and women retreat.
• Is linked to depression in men.
• Distinguishes between males, women, and children.
• Is related to both high and low testosterone levels.
• Is playing out on a national and worldwide basis, raising the danger of conflict and war.

In the news, we hear a lot about testosterone, as shown by the following headlines:

Where men grow up has a big impact on their testosterone levels.

One in every four men over the age of 30 has low testosterone levels.

Why should all men be worried about testosterone deficiency?

Here are some interesting facts regarding testosterone and how it affects men’s rage.

• Testosterone is an androgen, a male sex hormone, although it is also necessary for females.
• Androgens (such as those used by sportsmen) may cause fury (‘roid rage).
• The majority of men’s rage issues are caused by low testosterone levels.
• Low testosterone is linked to a lack of libido, erection loss, irritability, wrath, tiredness, and exhaustion.
• Low testosterone may lead to depression.
• When we are sad, our testosterone levels may also drop.

I authored two best-selling books on the interactions between rage, low testosterone, and depression. In my book The Irritable Male Syndrome, I go through the four main symptoms, which include:

• Hypersensitivity (guys respond quickly, whereas women feel as if they’re treading on eggshells).
• apprehension (men are often worried about everything and women often try and fix him).
• Men often have short fuses and fume or erupt as a result of their frustration. Fear and withdrawal are common among women).
• Angry (can be explosive or controlled, but it is always destructive)

In Mr. Mean: Saving Your Relationship from the Irritable Male Syndrome, I address the following concerns raised by both women and men:

• How can a guy go from Dr. Jekyll to Mr. Hyde in an instant?
• Irritable male syndrome is caused by a variety of factors.
• What should I do if he tells me, “I still love you, but I’m not in love with you anymore?”
• How can I assist him if he refuses to speak?
• What does a woman do that makes a man angry?
• How can I get him to realize that he has a problem when he refuses to acknowledge it?
• Why are so many furious guys depressed?
• Is it possible to salvage the relationship by taming the male rage dragon?

These are personal problems for me. My irritation and fury led to the breakup of my first marriage and my subsequent marriage to an angry and violent lady. Anger has caused me a great deal of suffering in my life. My life changed when I finally realized the link between rage, sadness, and low testosterone. Carlin and I have been together for almost four decades.

I’m eager to teach others what we’ve discovered. For more than 40 years, I’ve dedicated my life to assisting men and the women who love them. The Irritable Male Syndrome, Male vs. Female Depression, and Surviving Male Menopause are among the 15 books I’ve authored. I’m teaching a lesson that will teach you how to prevent a man’s health and love life from being jeopardized by rage. If you’re interested in learning more, send me an email with the subject line “anger class.” I eagerly await your response.

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{“@context”:”https://schema.org”,”@type”:”FAQPage”,”mainEntity”:[{“@type”:”Question”,”name”:”Can high testosterone cause anger?”,”acceptedAnswer”:{“@type”:”Answer”,”text”:”
Yes, high testosterone levels can cause anger.”}},{“@type”:”Question”,”name”:”Can low testosterone cause anger and depression?”,”acceptedAnswer”:{“@type”:”Answer”,”text”:”
Yes, low testosterone can cause both anger and depression.”}},{“@type”:”Question”,”name”:”Does testosterone therapy make you angry?”,”acceptedAnswer”:{“@type”:”Answer”,”text”:”
Testosterone therapy can make you feel angry, but it is not likely to cause anger in most people.”}}]}

Frequently Asked Questions

Can high testosterone cause anger?

Yes, high testosterone levels can cause anger.

Can low testosterone cause anger and depression?

Yes, low testosterone can cause both anger and depression.

Does testosterone therapy make you angry?

Testosterone therapy can make you feel angry, but it is not likely to cause anger in most people.

For millions of men around the world, prostate cancer is the leading cause of cancer-related death. A deadly disease that primarily affects men over 40, and which is often dismissed as something that only affects older men. Not everyone thinks this though. In an attempt to dispel the myths about prostate cancer, we have identified the 12 most surprising facts you need to know about this disease.

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This is the largest organ in your body but many men have no idea how it works, how they can prevent it from cancer and how it can affect their lives.

I want to teach men and help women better understand what makes men great in my forthcoming book, 12 Rules for Men: How to Live Fully, Love Deeply, and Make a Difference in the World. In my essay “The Single Most Important Fact About Men,” I discussed some of these crucial facts. Here are 12 more men’s statistics to assist you better your life and relationships.

Fact 1: Males and females are distinct, and the differences aren’t what you would expect.

Whether we are fish, ferns, or humans, biologists have a very basic and helpful description of what is male and what is female. An person may produce a high number of tiny gametes (sex cells) or a smaller number of bigger gametes. Individuals who generate smaller gametes are referred to as “males,” whereas those who produce bigger gametes are referred to as “females.”

            Fact 2: “Your body has ten trillion cells, each of which is sex-specific.”

Professor of biology at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, David C. Page, M.D., uncovered this fact (MIT). “On a molecular level, all your cells know whether they are XX or XY,” explains Dr. Page. “In our DNA, men and women are not equal, and in the face of illness, men and women are not equal.”

            Fact 3: Sperm are insignificant and disposable. Large and valuable eggs.

Large gametes with a high rate of survival and fertilization are produced by the female strategy. To improve the odds of obtaining a big one, the male approach is to create as many as possible. In a woman’s lifetime, she will ovulate around 400 eggs. Every day, a healthy man generates 500 million sperm, yet only one is required.

Fact 4: Men fight with other males for the attention of beautiful females, just as sperm do. As a consequence, males have continuous insecurities, which are typically concealed.

Eugene Monick, a Jungian therapist, believes that the scientific facts of sperm rivalry may reveal a great deal about male insecurity and fear of failure. “Natural wisdom informs a man that a catastrophic consequence, such as the destiny of his sperm, is always present, either really or possibly… The foundation or archetypal pattern for a man’s everyday fight for virility is what the sperm goes through in its life journey toward the ovum.” Only one sperm will survive, while the majority will perish. Monick adds, “This is the raw stuff of the masculine mind, the fuel for a male’s fear.”

Fact 5: Only a few men succeed in finding a partner, but the majority of men fail.

Some guys (think alpha males like Genghis Kahn, Wilt Chamberlain, and Warren Beatty) had a lot of sex with a lot of women throughout human history. The majority of guys were not selected. “We may conclude that most of the guys were failures if we go back over the whole history of the human race and use nature’s criteria of success as passing on your life to others,” says Dr. Roy Baumeister. Being a man is linked to biological failure in a way that being a woman is not.”

Fact 6: Males take more chances in life in order to achieve.

Even alpha men are concerned about being supplanted by a more successful guy. Most men will find a partner to have sex with in contemporary times, but we never get over our dread of being left out of the evolutionary lottery. As a consequence, men are risk takers and gamblers. A few succeed, while the majority fail miserably.

 Fact #7: Men die younger and live longer than women.

I’ve dedicated my life to assisting guys in living long and healthy lives. It’s something I’d want for myself, my sons, grandchildren, and all men. However, we must overcome our biological and evolutionary past. Males have always been disposable, just like sperm. With the exception of Alzheimer’s disease, males suffer and die at greater rates than women from nine of the ten most prevalent diseases. We must take our health seriously.

Fact #8: Men are more violent than women, yet the majority of male victims are other guys.

Women have a legitimate fear of aggressive males. However, the majority of victims of male violence are other males. Males die in battles to show their manliness. However, many more males commit themselves because they feel insufficient and incapable of fulfilling the expectations of the masculine role.

Fact 9: Millions of boys and men grow up without a father, either physically or emotionally.

“Kids have a hole in their spirit in the form of their father,” Roland Warren explains. And if a father refuses or is unable to fulfill that role, it may leave a deep scar that is difficult to heal.”

According to psychologist James Hollis, a parent may be physically present yet spiritually absent. “His absence may be physical, as in death, divorce, or dysfunction, but it is more frequently symbolic, as in silence and the incapacity to impart what he may not have acquired.”

My Distant Dad: Recovery the Family Father Wound is a book in which I describe my personal healing journey. Here is a link to a free chapter.

Fact 10: Wounded men inflict harm on others and are often irritated and enraged.

I was often nervous, irritated, and furious until I dealt with my own wounded and difficult upbringing. Mr. Mean: Saving Your Relationship from The Irritable Male Syndrome and The Irritable Male Syndrome: Understanding and Managing the 4 Key Causes of Depression and Aggression are two books I authored. (If you sign up here, I’ll give you a free copy of the ebook.)

Fact 11: Joining a men’s club may help men heal the father wound.

No matter how successful we are in business, how much money we earn, how large a vehicle we drive, or even if we become President of the United States, as long as we have a father wound, we will feel inadequate as men. I’ve been a member of a men’s group for the last 40 years. Evryman is one of the organizations that supports men’s groups. Here’s where you can find them.

Fact 12: Men are canaries in the coal mine of an unbalanced world.

It’s a perplexing moment to be a guy. Today’s manhood is demonized and misunderstood. Some people think that maleness is intrinsically harmful and that it should be eradicated. I don’t agree. The issue, in my opinion, is not with men, but with a societal system that isolates us from the environment, one other, and, most importantly, ourselves.

It’s not because guys are terrible that so many of them are furious and destructive. We are the canaries in the coal mine, warning everyone that we live in an unbalanced world, and it is up to us to change.

We can utilize these truths to alter the world for the better if we work together. Natural allies are males and women. These facts should not be used to divide us, but rather to help us realize the amazing beings we are all. I eagerly await your response. Make sure you click the logo in the top right corner of this page to get your free e-book and sign up for our free weekly email.

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There are many things we know about men that we think we know about women. For example, one of the most widely accepted myths about men is that they always want to have sex, and one of the most widely accepted myths about women is that they always want to have sex. We also know that men are generally more aggressive than women—likelier to try new things and take risks, and more likely to be sexually promiscuous. We know that men are more likely to die younger than women, and that they are more likely to commit suicide. We know that men are more likely to walk into traffic.. Read more about psychological facts about men and let us know what you think.

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