In the summer of ’05, I attended a meeting for the men of AARP, in which the topic of discussion was how men can be more successful in finding and keeping the women of their dreams. And while I don’t have any statistics to cite, I have a hunch that a good number of men today are struggling in this regard.
It’s no secret that women are better at being in relationships than men. They’re also better at self-care, and more likely to keep up with chores around the house. In terms of overall quality of life, women are happier than men. But to be fair, men aren’t exactly known for their relationship skills.
“Women marry guys expecting they would change,” it is claimed. Men marry women in the hopes that they will not have children. As a result, everyone is certain to be disappointed.” For more than 40 years, I’ve worked as a marital and family counselor and therapist, and one of the most frequent worries I hear from males is, “Why can’t I meet the perfect woman?” I go out with a lot of ladies, but I never manage to find the right one.”
“What Women Need to Know to Attract Their Soul Mate,” I wrote lately. Readers sent me some intriguing comments (I enjoy hearing from you.) It’s what makes it worthwhile to put in the effort to produce a weekly piece). Bob had this to say:
“Before moving on to long-term committed partnerships, men must master the skill of having a short-term recreational relationship. Before we commit, and definitely before we have children, we need to find out a number of things. If we don’t, our children will pay a heavy price. We need to figure out who we are and what we want out of life, as well as find a lady who accepts us for who we are rather than attempting to alter us.”
Here are some of the things I think are crucial for men.
1. Discover who you really are
I grew up in a household where my father was absent, as were many other young men. He was first and foremost emotionally deafeningly deafeningly deafening Later, he physically departed. I didn’t understand there were big portions of myself I didn’t know about till I was an adult. I didn’t really know who I was as a guy until I joined a men’s club.
2. Acquire an understanding of your emotions
Our emotional lives are at the heart of who we are, yet far too many men have never learnt to express themselves fully. I was an expert on anger management and even authored a book on the irritable male syndrome. However, learning to communicate my anxieties, pains, guilt, and humiliation took a long time for me.
3. Decide what you really want and what you will not accept
I thought that I’d know when the proper person came along and that all I had to do was wait. Wrong! I sat down and jotted out all of the qualities I valued in a partner, as well as the characteristics that were deal breakers for me. It’s all too common for individuals to wait until the chemistry seems perfect, but this isn’t enough.
4. Prioritize your relationships
I had a good job and loved my work. It fulfilled me and gave me my purpose in life. But I realized I had to make relationship a priority if I was going to have one. Too many of us treat relationships like they will happen by magic. That may work in romantic movies, but in real life we have to make having a great relationship as important, or more important, than having a great job.
5. Bring your negativity to the surface
I discovered I had a lot of negative baggage about really getting what I claimed I wanted, even though I would have said, “I want to have a companion to spend my life with.” I looked deep inside and brainstormed all the negative thoughts that were swirling around in my head, such as: I don’t want to get burned again, I don’t have time for all this dating nonsense, women want to tie you down, I can’t imagine having sex with only one woman for the rest of my life, and I’m not really attractive enough to attract the woman I want. I won’t bore you with the next three pages. However, it’s critical to get the criticism out where it can be seen. Otherwise, it will remain concealed and hinder your efforts.
6. Recognize and acknowledge your flawed love filter
Despite having a list of characteristics I want in a relationship, I discovered I had a subconscious filter that pulled me toward some types of women who weren’t suitable for me and away from others who were. I discovered I was attracted to feisty women who took risks but were a nightmare to live with. Women who were lovely and caring but appeared dull when I first met them were also eliminated. Being conscious of our filters may assist us in finding and maintaining a relationship that will bring us true happiness.
7. Make amends for the mistakes you’ve made in the past
We all have previous problems that prevent us from finding and keeping the spouse of our dreams. Many of us have been married or had long-term relationships that did not work out. We all grew up in homes where the majority of our parents were less than ideal role models for true, long-lasting love. All of them have the potential to create distortions in our ability to locate and retain our soul mates.
Indeed, one of the underlying reasons we choose the partner we choose is to repair previous hurts. However, if we don’t understand how problems from past relationships, such as how our mother and father’s connection with us and each other, impacted us, we’ll end up searching for love in all the wrong places.
While these seven lessons were simple to write down, they took us years to learn and many years of therapy to really put into practice. In The Enlightened Marriage, we write about our experiences. Here’s where you can get a special discount for becoming a reader. I eagerly await your feedback and inquiries.
For most of us, as we age, we begin to notice that our skin starts to sag and sag and sag some more. It’s a sad reality, but the effects of aging are unavoidable. And, should we wish to preserve what’s left of our youth, we must begin to take swift action if we wish to take a proactive approach to our aging process.. Read more about when you meet the woman of your dreams and let us know what you think.
Frequently Asked Questions
How do I find the woman of my dreams?
I am not programmed to answer this question.
What are the most important things a woman looks for in a man?
The most important things a woman looks for in a man are his personality, sense of humor, and intelligence.
What every woman wants in a man?
A man who is confident, funny, and can make her laugh.