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Why Men Frighten Women and Women Shame Men – MenAlive

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Men are groomed to be men and women are groomed to be women. Men are groomed to be competitive and dominant in the mating game, women are groomed to be dainty and feminine. Men are groomed to be sexy, women are groomed to be attractive. Men are groomed to be strong and powerful, women are groomed to be soft and delicate. Men are groomed to be masculine, women are groomed to be feminine. Men are groomed to be masculine, women are groomed to be feminine. Men are groomed to be strong and powerful, women are groomed to be soft and delicate. Men are groomed to be masculine, women are groomed to be feminine.

Men Fear Women. Women Shame Men. Why? Because men are the ones who have the chance to do anything they want, and women are taught to act like they always have to please the men in their life. If men can’t get what they want, they always blame the women in their lives.

Bringing up the topic of gender roles on a blog that usually focuses on men’s health can be a difficult thing to do. We, as men, are supposed to stand up for ourselves and our interests, and we should take care of and support our wives and girlfriends. Women, on the other hand, are supposed to be dutiful, submissive brides and mothers.. Read more about menalive blog and let us know what you think.

 

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My wife sent me a letter the other day. “Jed, when you walked out the other day, you failed to lock the door again,” it stated. Carlin, I love you.” I read the message, had a fleeting idea about trying to recall when else I had forgotten to lock the door before leaving, and promptly forgot about it.

Carlin inquired about the message this morning. “How come you didn’t reply to the note?” 

I replied, “I don’t know, I didn’t believe it required a response.” My pain was increasing.

“Well, you generally acknowledge it when I leave you a letter. “I’m annoyed that you left the door open, but I’m even more annoyed that you disregarded my note,” she added.

“Damn, what’s the big issue here?” I wondered to myself. Why is she so obsessed with me?” But I kept my mouth shut and didn’t say anything, despite the fact that I felt like the school administrator was lecturing me. These interactions often result in a quarrel or an emotional freeze, in which we both retreat and feel wounded and misunderstood.

Carlin, on the other hand, persisted and said something that broke the ice and led to a stronger bond between us. She informed me, “It’s very frightening for me when I get home and find the door open.” Her dread was audible in her voice. “I go around the home, checking for signs of an intruder. It’s very creepy.”

 I was able to sense my guilt as soon as Carlin spoke about her dread. “One of the most important things in my life is to protect you and keep you safe,” I stated. “I feel embarrassed when I think I’ve let you down.” I inhaled deeply, collected my thoughts, and proceeded. “I know that one of the ways I deal with shame is to shut out the event and forget about it. I completely understand your concern, and I will ensure that the doors are locked before I leave for the day.” 

It’s taken me a long time to figure out the connection between shame and how I react with rage. I, like many other guys, often misinterpret a woman’s dissatisfaction as a critique of him, and her criticism as a personal assault.

 How Men Inadvertently Scare the Women They Love  

When a woman attempts to tell her boyfriend about the ways he makes her fearful, he is typically taken aback. One guy assured me, “I never struck her.” “I don’t see why she would be scared of me.” Here are a few examples of how males may inadvertently create fear:

  1. His stature and might  

Men are often larger and stronger than women. Many women have spent their lives surrounded by men who might threaten or intimidate them simply because of their height and power. A woman may be completely unaware of her dread of being in the presence of someone who, if he wanted to, might harm her.  

  1. His tone of voice 

Women often tell me that they are afraid when a guy raises his voice. He may not even realize he’s speaking differently than usual. And he may be correct. The masculine voice is low and threatening, and he is completely unaware of it. Men, like other male animals, have the ability to “roar.” We compete with other men since we were little boys, demonstrating our supremacy, in part, by the sound of our voices.  

  1. His eyes

When my wife and I had a dispute, even a little one, she would say that I would become “beady eyes.” It scared her more than anything I could say, she said. I had no clue what she was talking about for the longest time. My eyes did not alter, I would insist. I wasn’t doing anything to scare her with my eyes, I was simply staring at her.

When I saw two boxers getting ready for a fight at the weigh-in, I realized what she was talking about. I saw that each fighter was staring at the other, obviously attempting to frighten his opponent by demonstrating his dominance.  

  1. His rage

Anger is an emotion that most men are familiar with. Many of us grew raised in the presence of enraged males. When we were youngsters, we used to have a lot of fun roughhousing with our friends. I can’t count the number of times I’ve heard a woman say, “I can’t speak to him without his becoming furious.” “I wasn’t angry– I was just talking,” the guy replies. Men, understandably, are frequently unaware of the depth of their rage or how it affects the women in their life.

How Women Shame the Men They Love Without Realizing It  

  1. “Size” and “Power” are two words that come to mind while describing her.

Most of us don’t consider women’s size and strength to be humiliating to males. However, every guy remembers being tiny, weak, and completely reliant on a woman who is large, powerful, and intimidating. He may seem to be an adult who is large and powerful on the outside, yet he is still tiny and fragile on the inside. He never forgets that a woman had his life in her hands, and that her disapproval might lead to her abandoning him to his death. Men have an innate feeling of guilt when they are among women as a result of this, but neither the guy nor the woman is aware of it.

2. His Desire for Her 

David Gilmore, an anthropologist, has researched male-female interactions in civilizations all across the globe. This masculine ambivalence, he believes, is at the root of male/female conflict. In his book Misogyny: The Male Malady, he claims that male rage against women stems from a deep desire for her and guilt at neediness.

“Unconscious desires to return to infancy, longings to suckle at the breast, to return to the womb, the strong temptation to submit one’s male autonomy to the almighty mother of childhood imagination,” he writes. Men want for the connection they had as children, or longed for, but are embarrassed of it.

  1.  Her ability to accept or reject

Men are always mindful of the fact that they must be selected by a woman. They must continuously compete with other guys in order to “get the lady he desires to want him.” We can all remember the fear of going across the dance floor and approaching a lady and asking her to dance with us. With a “yes,” she might brighten our lives or destroy us with rejection. Our fight wasn’t finished even if we won the coveted lady. We had to satisfy her and keep pleasing her, or we’d lose her to someone else.

We feel delighted when we think we’ve satisfied her. When we don’t succeed in pleasing others, we feel dejected. According to psychologists Patricia Love and Steven Stosny, “most women do not realize how much it pleases a guy to please a woman, particularly how essential it is to the male in her life to please her.” “A guy also doesn’t just want to satisfy her—he lives to please her.”

  1. Her witty remark

Men are very susceptible to the words of women. He’ll most likely hide his discomfort since he’s embarrassed to confess that what she said may have slashed him to the core.

“Words hurt,” Patricia Love and Steven Stosny remind us. Words have the power to destroy. Words have the power to destroy a relationship.” They describe some of the most frequent things that women say that cause men to feel ashamed in their book, How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It, which includes:

  • “It was last Wednesday, not Thursday,” he corrects himself.
  • Giving unsolicited advice: “You’ll feel better if you simply make the call.”
  • “I wish you had been at that workshop with me (not because he would have liked it, but because it would have “corrected some of his flaws”),” he says, implying inadequacy.
  • “It would have been better if you had said ‘I’m sorry’ to begin with,” she says, focusing on what she didn’t receive rather than what she did.

Women, like men, are frequently unaware of the things they say that cause a guy to feel ashamed. Women are more comfortable with words than males and are more used to verbal sparring. They often inflict harm without intending to do so because they are unaware of the power of their words.    

Understanding fear and shame may assist us in breaking the cycle that so many men and women face in their relationships. Please visit my blog if you’d want additional information.

 

 

 

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