When it comes to men, there are two things that most people believe. The first is that they are a bunch of slobs who don’t care half as much about hygiene as women do. The other is that they are a bunch of cavemen who don’t care half as much about hygiene as women do.
And while it’s true that men do tend to leave the toilet seat up, and don’t clean as thoroughly as women do, they are by no means the filthy animals that they are often made out to be. In fact, men just have a very different and in many ways, a much more primal approach to the maintenance of their bodily functions, from the way women do.
Men are not the way they are because they are weak and naive. They are not the way they are because they are ignorant of women’s desires. They are not the way they are because they are greedy, vain, and stupid. They are not the way they are because they are unintelligent and cannot think on their feet. They are the way they are because their ancestors evolved to be the way they are.
The title of this post is misspelled. It should be “Why Men Are The Way They Are: Evolutionary Science and Men’s Basic Fear – MenAlive”
“September 27, 1986, Dear Jed, to a warm, passionate loving guy who understands how to give in writing his brain and his soul,” Warren Farrell wrote in his groundbreaking book, Why Men Are the Way They Are. We have similar devotions and goals.” Warren and I, along with our websites, have continued to communicate what we’ve learned about the male/female relationship.
Here are some of the most often asked Warren questions about males by women:
- Why are males so deafeningly deafeningly deafening
- Why are guys unable to express their emotions?
- Why do so many guys have such a small number of male friends?
- Why do males seem to despise women on the one hand while placing them on a pedestal on the other?
- Are males just interested in conquest? Is this the true thrill for them?
I offer answers to these and 25 other questions women and men have been asking in my best-selling ebook, Mr. Mean: Saving Your Relationship From the Irritable Male Syndrome.
In the past thirty-three years, we’ve learnt a lot. The emerging science of evolutionary psychology has taught me some of the most essential lessons I’ve ever learnt. “Not everything, but so much in life comes down to mating,” says Dr. David Buss, author of Evolutionary Psychology: The New Science of the Mind and The Evolution of Desire: Strategies of Human Mating.
Most people are familiar with Charles Darwin’s 1859 book On the Origin of Species by Natural Selection, but few are familiar with his 1871 book The Descent of Man and Selection in Relation to Sex. His scientific research reveals that all creatures, including humans, must deal with two major issues:
- How can you stay alive in a competitive environment? Natural selection is discussed.
- How can you locate a partner and have children that will live long enough to carry on the process? The topic of sexual selection is discussed.
We are all descended from a line of ancestors who accomplished both of these things in uninterrupted succession. Furthermore, throughout the 2.5 million years of human history, our brains were built to do these two jobs. Although we seem to be contemporary, our brains are still suited to the Pleistocene epoch, which accounts for almost 99 percent of our evolutionary history. Finally, we must acknowledge that men and females have experienced distinct evolutionary difficulties that have shaped our current selves.
Understanding our evolutionary history is essential for understanding why men are the way they are and how we may improve our sexual and romantic lives as a consequence.
Dr. Joyce Benenson is a professor of psychology at Harvard University and a research associate in the Human Evolutionary Biology Department. “The world is fraught with dangers,” she writes in her book Warriors and Worriers: The Survival of the Sexes. Understanding the risks that early humans encountered is essential to comprehending the kind of issues that men and women confronted and the answers they required.”
Our forefathers had to compete not just with other animals, but also with other humans. “The easiest way to address this issue is to delegate battling the adversary to a single group: young males. Women will be able to defend themselves and their children as a result. Older guys may keep an eye on things from afar.”
She goes on to discuss the difficulties that men face. “I discover in my own studies and in study reports from many cultures that males love physical combat, find adversaries fascinating, and cannot match competition for sheer entertainment,” Benenson adds. Above all, boys want to participate in these actions with other guys.”
What are the things that boys and men are most afraid of?
In a nutshell, foes. “The adversary is their issue, and defeating it is their duty. Boys and men don’t worry all the time since the adversary isn’t constantly there. Nonetheless, I think that facing the enemy’s issue has enabled human men to develop a wide range of instinctual responses that are still in use today.”
Men’s instinctive and deep-seated fear of adversaries is so great that when they cope with significant issues in life, they think in terms of protecting and attacking.
- They are involved in drug conflicts.
- They are at odds.
- They go up against each other.
- They are assaulting you.
- They criticize political ideologies.
Advertisers and politicians are fully aware of our anxieties, and they will exploit them to influence us unless we understand our evolutionary biases. Benenson gives an example of our reaction to the September 11, 2001 terrorist assault, which killed about 3,000 people. “Almost 40,000 people died in automobile accidents in the same year,” she adds, “and 16,000 or so people died in gun-related events perpetrated by community members on one another.” It’s no coincidence that the US has spent more than $1 trillion on anti-terrorist efforts.” We saw a similar exploitation of male fear in Donald Trump’s recent victory, when he scared people with his comments about rapists and criminals entering the United States via our southern border.
Understanding men’s dread of the adversary explains a lot about why they behave the way they do. We don’t listen well when we perceive “enemies out there,” we react from fear rather than exploring other emotions, we distrust other men, we are afraid of women going off with another man, we glorify women as well as put them down, and we get excited about conquering others who could be potential threats.
In my best-selling booklet, Mr. Mean: Saving Your Relationship From the Irritable Male Syndrome, I address these and other issues.
Despite the fact that these anxieties have deep roots, they are not irreversible. They may be comprehended and altered. However, it must begin with love and acceptance of who we are. In my next book, 12 Rules for Good Men (due out in November), I go into great detail on these topics. I eagerly await your inquiries and feedback.
The last day of April is getting closer and the weather is warming up. If you are a man, you have probably put aside the gardening work for now, and, of course, you are happy about this because of the long weekend. June is the shortest month of the year, which means that there is not a lot of daylight. This is why men have a biological tendency to be more active in the evening than in the morning. In today’s society, we work a lot and are always on the go. This makes it difficult for us to eat when we feel hungry, spend time with our families, and exercise. This is why men often do not develop as much muscle mass as women. Read more about research based on the evolutionary approach to gender development should primarily focus on how and let us know what you think.