The Woman’s Guide to Men – MenAlive


Being a man isn’t easy. We are often made to feel like the most important person in the world, when in reality it’s women who rule the hearts of men. So, to make things easier for the men in your life, we have compiled a list of helpful tips and tricks that’ll help men find success and happiness in their relationships.

Men are obsessed with their looks. We can’t stop talking about the body we want even when we’re having a great conversation with a friend. So, why is it that women have to be told a hundred times that they look great? Is it because the bar has been set so low that they never reach the average, or is it because women have been taught to believe that it is their job to look good?

For over 50 years, I’ve been assisting women in better understanding the men in their life and developing more joyful and personal relationships. My wife, Carlin, and I have been in a men’s group for 38 years, and we think that being in a men’s group has a lot to do with our 37-year marriage. I’ve learnt a lot about what guys need and what we wish women understood about us over the years.

“The Man’s Guide to Women: 5 Things Women Want Men to Know About Fear, Sex, and Love,” is a piece I just published. The following are six things males want women to know.

1. Men think about sex more than women, but it’s not the only thing we think about


Men are said to think about sex almost continuously, according to common belief. This isn’t the case. It ties up with another myth: that all men desire is sex, and that the word “sex” means “intercourse.” Men desire a Save Harbor, as I said in my essay “The One Thing Men Want More Than Sex.” Sex isn’t only about conceiving children or providing and getting pleasure. It’s also about being noticed, cared for, and nourished completely.

Edward O. Laumann, PhD, is a professor of sociology at the University of Chicago and the main author of “The Social Organization of Sexuality: Sexual Practices in the United States,” a significant study on sexual practices. “The majority of adult males under the age of 60 think about sex at least once a day,” he adds. Only around a quarter of women claim to think about it on a regular basis. Males and women imagine less as they become older, but men fantasize approximately twice as much as women.”

Sex is the reason we’re all here, and it gives us a lot of pleasure. But sex isn’t just about sex. Sex is a safe haven for guys, a place where we may be taken in, adored, and treasured.

2. Males and females exhibit significant disparities


“There are 10 trillion cells in the human body, and each one of them is sex specific,” says David C. Page, M.D., professor of biology at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology (MIT). We need a toolkit that identifies the underlying differences between XY and XX at the cellular, organ, system, and human levels.

Marianne J. Legato, M.D. is a prominent specialist on women’s health in the globe. “Everywhere we look, the two sexes are shockingly and surprisingly different not just in their biological function but in the way they experience illness,” she writes in her book Eve’s Rib: The New Science of Gender-Specific Medicine.

3. Males and females experience depression in various ways

Dr. Legato’s heart disease study revealed that women’s symptoms differed from men’s, and many women died as a result of not recognizing the indications of an oncoming heart attack. Male suicide rates are 3 to 18 times greater than female suicide rates. Men and women experience depression in different ways, according to my study. When women are depressed, they tend to withdraw and look melancholy. Men often express their sadness by being irritated and enraged.

Women who are depressed are sad. Men who are depressed get enraged.

4. The male and female brains are not the same


Professor of clinical psychiatry at the University of California, San Francisco, Louann Brizendine, M.D. She is the author of The Male Brain and The Female Brain, which highlights several key distinctions between men and women that frequently lead to miscommunication.

  • The Anterior Cingulate Cortex is responsible for weighing alternatives and making decisions. It’s called the worry-wort center, and it’s bigger in women than in males.
  • The region for sexual pursuit is the Medial Preoptic Area. In the male, it is 2.5 times bigger.
  • The solution seeker is the Temporal Parietal Junction. It’s more active in the male brain, comes online faster, and rushes to a “fix-it-now” answer.
  • The Hippocampus is the emotional memory center.

It’s the elephant who will never forget a quarrel, a love encounter, or anything you did wrong three years ago–and won’t let you forget it either. It’s bigger and more active in women, as one of Dr. Legato’s books, Why Men Never Remember and Women Never Forget, indicates.

5. There are two things that men want beyond everything else


Over the years, I’ve worked with again 30,000 guys and have heard two things over and over again: men want more sex and less emotional disputes and arguments. When a woman thinks her partner is emotionally tuned into her, she is more interested in sex, while men frequently avoid emotional conversations. “Honey, we need to talk,” is one of the five most frightening words in the English language for males.

This is due to two factors. First, when a woman is angry, males frequently feel responsible, and their “fix it” brain kicks in, wanting to solve the issue. A woman, on the other hand, does not want to be repaired. She’d want to be heard. This male/female issue is hilariously shown in this video.

The second explanation is that emotional conflict overwhelms the male brain, causing males to feel “flooded.” “Men are much more prone than a female partner to flood during an argument,” says John Gottman, Ph.D., marital expert and author of The Man’s Guide To Women. Instead of a furious spouse, a guy may rev up as if he’s fighting a terrible beast.”

As a consequence, in emotionally charged situations, males often attack or shut down.

6. When men are chastised, they either tune out or get enraged


Men are more readily activated when they are in danger because of their evolutionary origins as tribal protectors. Unfortunately, a woman’s criticism may be seen as an assault, and if he feels overwhelmed, he shuts down or becomes enraged, and the conflict can rapidly escalate.

Assume you’ve just returned home after a long day at work. You want to unwind and read the paper, but your wife is eager to discuss a workplace dispute with a coworker. You get a sense of being cornered. You want to hear what your wife has to say, but you also need some peace and quiet to relax. You make an effort to accomplish both. Your wife, on the other hand, quickly notices that you aren’t giving her your entire attention.

Then you hear, “You’re not paying attention to me.” You’re already feeling a little drained from your own workplace struggles. Like many men, you misinterpret her comments as a critique of you rather than what they are: a plea for your wife’s attention and support. You see your fury rising and attempt to keep it under control, but if we could see it, there would be “steam pouring out of your ears” and your pulse rate would be increasing. Does this ring a bell?

From here, you have two choices. Most of the time, the male withdraws or becomes enraged (his reaction to being inundated), while the woman feels wounded and uncared for (her reaction to feeling ignored). A new battle has begun. Another possibility is for one or both parties to notice his inundation and de-escalate the situation.

Take 10 deep breaths and count to ten as my finest advise for the guy. It’s simple, yet it’s effective in getting you out of the “fight or flight” state.

My greatest advise to the lady is to recognize that he isn’t unkind; he is just overwhelmed with adrenaline. Recognize that now is not the appropriate moment to speak. Pause for a moment. Make a time to speak later.

I eagerly await your feedback in the section below. You can also participate in our Facebook discussion.