The 5 Love Secrets Your Therapist Never Told You About – MenAlive

There’s no secret to true love and relationships, but there are a few things you can do to make it last. Most of us have heard of the relationship between prostate cancer and the prostate gland (the “male G-spot” if you will), but many of us aren’t clear on the specifics. Since prostate cancer can not only strike the prostate, but also any other part of the body, I’ve compiled a list of the top five most common questions I hear, and the answers I wish I’d received. It’s no secret that men often struggle with love, and a lot of it has to do with what we say to ourselves. Guys, we all need help with how we communicate with women, and I’m going to help you out with that. Here are 5 love secrets your therapist never told you about.. Read more about how do you tell if your wife still loves you after separation? and let us know what you think. That’s true, I’ll confess it. I’m a hopeless romantic at heart. Weddings make me weep, and I like reading Nicholas Sparks books. I still get caught up watching romantic films like Titanic, Dirty Dancing, When Harry Met Sally, and Casablanca. I make up vacations so that I may buy flowers for my wife. But it took me a long time to find out how to establish a long-lasting love connection. My previous two marriages ended in divorce, and after 36 years of marriage, Carlin and I are still learning about love. The Enlightened Marriage: The 5 Transformative Stages of Relationships and Why the Best Is Yet to Come is a handbook for people who still believe in love but don’t have a lot of time on their hands. Our career is chosen for a number of reasons. Part of the reason I wanted to be a marital and family counselor, I’m sure, was to better understand my own family life—my parents separated when I was five years old. My father’s irritability, anger, and depression were growing. My mother was always concerned and nervous, and she was preoccupied with death. I wanted to discover the mysteries of love so that I might have a long-lasting, passionate, strong, and fulfilling relationship. However, in order to grasp the mysteries of love, we must relinquish some of our most treasured beliefs.

1. The first love secret is that love is not exclusive

We are all aware that we may have a large number of “loved ones.” In addition to our spouse or lover, we may love our children, parents, and even distant relatives and acquaintances. We, on the other hand, think that love is confined to a select few and that we can only have one “great love of our life.” When we’re single, we often want for that particular someone with whom we may fall passionately in love and spend the rest of our lives. However, love is not mutually exclusive. I tell my customers that there are 5,284 great mates out there for them to fall in love with and be incredibly happy with. Although the exact number is a joke, the notion that there is a “one and only” lover out there makes us more fearful than we need to be. The reality is that we can love a lot of people.

2. Love is fleeting

The couple who had been married for 54 years is the subject of a joke. “You never tell me you love me,” the wife grumbled. “When we got married, I told you I loved you,” the guy said. I’ll let you know if my opinion changes.” We have the erroneous notion that “when we fall in love, it will last forever.” In a love song, it sounds wonderful, but it doesn’t work in real life. Assume you’ve just married. You’re passionately in love and looking lovingly into your spouse’s eyes, imagining a lifetime of happiness. Following the wedding, you settle down for supper. No one imagines that after the wedding supper, you won’t have to eat again. We recognize that our bodies need nutrition at least three times each day. We, on the other hand, make the error of assuming that love, once felt, will endure forever.

3. Love is a sequence of emotional connections of caring and support

In college, I remember falling in love with Jeanie. The fact was that everyone was smitten with Jeanie. She wasn’t the prettiest or sexiest female we knew, but she was always fully present in the moment when you were with her. You were engulfed in love as she gazed into your eyes. You had the impression that you were the most important person on the planet, and that she really cared about you. She appeared to bring out the best in you as well. “Within each instant of loving connection, you become genuinely involved in this other person’s well-being, solely for his or her own sake,” Barbara L. Fredrickson, Ph.D, writes in her book Love 2.0: How Our Supreme Emotion Affects Everything We Feel, Think, Do, and Become. These love exchanges are similar to food. Every day, we need numerous experiences of love in order to be healthy. If you don’t nourish your relationship with love, it will perish just as you would if you didn’t have air or food to consume.

4. Love and marriage aren’t always compatible

I recall hearing a song as a kid about love and marriage being like a horse and carriage. When we fall in love and marry, we consider love to be the foundation of our partnership. We believe there must be something wrong with the marriage if love appears to vanish, as it frequently does in a long-term committed partnership. We believe we have selected the incorrect spouse or that our preferred partner has vanished. “I still love my partner, but I’m not in love with them anymore,” I often hear couples remark. This is typically an indication that one or both spouses want to leave. But, in reality, marriage isn’t only about soft kisses and warm hugs. There will be confusion, rage, anguish, and agony, as with all hero’s journeys. Dr. Fredrickson adds, “When you associate love with personal interactions, love may appear perplexing.” “It feels wonderful at times, yet it aches like hell at others. It raises you up with great aspirations for your future at times, and oppresses you at other times with humiliation over your shortcomings or remorse over your past actions.” Even in the greatest marriages, love tends to vanish when we need it most.

5. In Stage 3 of an intimate relationship, love may seem scarce. Don’t give up hope

Most of us have grown up with some version of the idea that marriage has two phases. We meet that particular someone and fall in love in the initial stage. Our love grows in the second stage, and we begin to create a life together. We’re going to live together and may have children. We hope that this period will continue, and that “they lived happily ever after,” as the fairy tales tell us. Most relationships, though, aren’t like that. We don’t always live happily ever after, even in wonderful partnerships. There is a sense of disappointment and tension. “When Romantic Love fades, it seems like you can’t do anything right,” explain marriage specialists Harville Hendrix and Helen LaKelly Hunt. Someone who was once your biggest supporter may turn into your worst critic. Napping takes the place of adoration. You begin to wonder, ‘Who is this guy I married?’ We used to get along swimmingly.’ It’s not always easy to offer each other the affection we so badly want. We feel deceived, and love’s well-spring seems to be drying up. Don’t be discouraged. This is the third stage in a mature relationship. It’s what I refer to as disenchantment. It’s a period when we must let go of all the expectations we have for our spouse. We view things not as they are, but how we would want them to be. The good news is that we now have the opportunity to view our partner clearly. We don’t like what we see at first. What we don’t like are the projections from our damaged childhoods, for the most part. Most of us did not grow up with ideal parents, and the abuse, neglect, and abandonment we experienced as children resurface in this third stage. Indeed, one of the primary reasons we’re here is to bring these ancient wounds to light so they may be healed.
In the context of our adult relationship, dealing with these childhood traumas enables us to go to the fourth stage, which I refer to as genuine, enduring love. During this stage, we fall in love with our spouse again, and we may then go on to stage 5, discovering our purpose as a couple, where we can use the love we’ve built to accomplish good in the world. In my Enlightened Marriage Masters Class, I show you how to go through all five phases of love. Don’t give up if you’re having trouble. Continue to provide as much love as you can. It’s yours to give to your partner, and it’s yours to keep. It’s important to remember that learning to love is a hero’s journey. It’s difficult, but then again, so is anything important in life. I eagerly await your response. Please share your experiences in the comments area below, and then follow me on Twitter.

Are You Living With An Angry Man? Take the Quiz and Find Out

The men in our lives can be hard to deal with at times, whether that’s just a friend or a partner or a family member. Sometimes we feel like we can’t be ourselves around them and that’s why they might feel frustrated with us. However, we also feel that we don’t say what we mean or we mean things we don’t say. There are so many things that we do to make them angry but we don’t realize that. But, we shouldn’t be afraid of this. It’s one thing to notice that your partner seems to be getting angry more often; it’s another thing altogether to pinpoint the specific reasons why. There’s no one-size-fits-all answer to why a man might be feeling more frustrated than usual; it could be a lack of sleep, a recent family crisis, a negative health diagnosis, or something else entirely.
But there are two surefire ways to tell if your partner is having a bad day: take his temperature and check his pulse. The first test, a rectal thermometer, is the simplest of all: If your partner’s temperature is too high, he’s probably having a bad day. As for the pulse, press We teach what we wish to learn, according to someone. I work as a writer. Reading the books I write to make sense of my own life and to assist others may teach you a lot about myself. Here are three of the fifteen essays I’ve written about coping with anger: Understanding and Managing the 4 Key Causes of Depression and Aggression, The Irritable Male Syndrome, Mr. Mean says: Saving Your Relationship from The Irritable Male Syndrome, and My Distant Dad: Healing the Family Father Wound, which will be released in June 2018.
I pretended I wasn’t furious for years. Ask anybody, I’m a lovely person. Anyone who is unfamiliar with me and accepts the persona I developed as a child. But those closest to me, such as my wife Carlin, know the reality. I used to be a kind person, and I still am, but I have a lot of rage. Do you have a short fuse as a man? Do you attempt to contain your rage but feel like you’re ready to erupt? Do those who care about you think you’re a grumpy person? Are you a woman who is married to an enraged man? Are you irritated by his rage? Do you fight back or do you give up? Is your relationship harmed by your anger? Continue reading if you responded yes to any of these questions. Men, like everyone else, become furious from time to time. We are all human, and we all react to injustices and unjust treatment. Whether warranted or not, we also respond to irritation, criticism, and threat. However, we are seeing an increase in male animosity that is creating issues for the guy, his family, the society, and the globe at large. Men will not fix the issue by blaming them.
In movies, the media, and our daily lives, male irritation, wrath, fury, and violence have become more accepted. Irritable Male Syndrome (IMS) may affect males of any age, although it is more common in young men and those over the age of 40. We are often unaware of the depth of our rage. Here’s a questionnaire that Harvard University researchers used to evaluate men’s rage. Answer yes or no to the following questions:
  1. I have the want to curse at times.
  2. I have the want to bash stuff at times.
  3. I’m not sure why I’ve been so irritated and grumpy lately.
  4. I’ve had the want to start a fight with someone at times.
  5. I’m easily irritated by other individuals.
  6. I’m often accused of being a hothead.
  7. When someone attempts to cut in front of me in line, it irritates me.
  8. I’ve had to be harsh with individuals who were disrespectful or irritating at times.
  9. I’m often apologetic because I’m angry and grumpy.
  10. It irritates me when people rush me.
  11. I am a really obstinate person.
  12. I’m not sure what it is that makes me so furious and unhappy at times.
  13. When I was drunk, I became enraged and destroyed furniture or dishes.
  14. I’ve been so enraged at someone that I’ve felt like I’m about to explode.
  15. I’ve been so enraged that I’ve harmed someone in a physical altercation.
  16. I virtually never lose control of myself.
Each “true” earn 1 point for questions 1–15, while each “false” score 1 point for question 16. The greater your total, the more enraged you are. Most individuals, if we’re being honest, know whether or not anger is an issue in their relationship. If you’re a male taking the quiz, consider if anger is an issue in your relationship or in your life. “Is male rage an issue in my relationship and in my life?” if you’re a woman taking the quiz. Men and the women who love them may benefit from just acknowledging that anger is an issue. At other times, we need assistance. I want to teach a class for people who need assistance and support in coping with rage. Send me an email with the subject line “anger class” if you’d want additional information. You are being controlled by your man and your life is draining out of you slowly. You may be tired, stressed, depressed, angry, anxious, and even suicidal. The life you should have had is now gone, and you are living a life that is not you.. Read more about subtle signs of anger issues and let us know what you think.

The 5 Hidden Reasons Men Become Violent

In the United States, men are four times more likely than women to be shot to death, and one of the strongest predictors of violent crime is being convicted of a felony. Nearly 40 percent of all men in state prisons are serving time on a felony conviction. However, men are four times more likely than women to be shot to death, and one of the strongest predictors of violent crime is being convicted of a felony. Nearly 40 percent of all men in state prisons are serving time on a felony conviction. In Western culture, it’s not uncommon to hear statistics about violence against women. But do we know enough about how this violence affects men and boys? What are the deeply hidden reasons behind this violence? And what can we do about it? “The 5 Hidden Reasons Men Become Violent” explores some of these problems, and the ways you can help boys deal with the issues that lead to violence. A horrifying trend has swept the nation, and it may be one of the most sinister yet. The public’s fear of violent crime has led to a rise in violent crimes against women, particularly rape, assault, and murder.. Read more about male aggression in relationships and let us know what you think. Each time a new outbreak of violence occurs, we concentrate our attention on issues such as gun control, mental illness treatment, and how video games, movies, and the media contribute to the problem. It’s critical that we have a broader discussion about violence, its causes, and how to avoid it. However, I think it is equally necessary to discuss males and violence. Of course, women may be aggressive and contribute to a culture of violence, but violence is, in many respects, a male-dominated problem. It probably comes as no surprise that males commit more acts of violence than women. However, you may be surprised to learn that males are also more likely to be victims of violence. Let’s take a closer look at violence. According to the World Health Organization, there are three different kinds of violence, all of which are interconnected: * Suicidal conduct and personal damage, such as self-mutilation, are examples of self-directed violence. * Interpersonal violence may be classified into two types:
  1. Family and intimate partner violence—That is, violence mostly between family members and intimate partners that occurs in the home, but not entirely.
  2. Community violence is defined as violence between unrelated people who may or may not know one other and occurs beyond the home.
* Collective violence is the intentional use of murder by persons who identify as members of a group against another group or collection of individuals to accomplish political, economic, or social goals. Armed wars within or between countries, genocide (the intentional and systematic annihilation, in whole or in part, of an ethnic, racial, religious, or national group), terrorism, and organized violent crime are all examples of collective violence. Men are clearly engaged in all three types of violence, both as offenders and as victims. Despite the fact that violence against others grabs our attention, suicide kills more individuals than all kinds of interpersonal violence combined. “Every year, more than one million individuals die by suicide across the globe, which is greater than the number of people who die in wars, terrorist attacks, and murders combined. According to Lanny Berman, Ph.D., president of the International Association for Suicide Prevention, “more individuals kill themselves than are murdered by others” (IASP). Furthermore, men kill themselves four times more often than females throughout the globe, and the suicide rate for males in the United States is four to eight times greater than for females, rising significantly with age. Let’s take a look at the five contributing causes to male aggression.

1. The Male Brain Isn’t Designed to Feel Empathy

Violence is, at its heart, an inability to empathize. Empathizing is the desire to recognize and react to another person’s feelings and ideas with the right emotion. Rather of seeing themselves or others as human beings, violent men view them as objects. Violent individuals, as philosopher Martin Buber put it, view the world as I-It rather than I-Thou. Simon Baron-Cohen is a leading specialist on violence in the globe. “When our empathy is turned off, we are exclusively in the ‘I’ mode,” he writes in his book The Science of Evil: On Empathy and the Origins of Cruelty. We connect to objects or people as if they were simply things in such a state.” Although most men are able to empathize with others and would never kill another human being, it’s more difficult for most men to empathize than it is for women.  Why is that so?  Research shows that our brains are more wired for systemizing than for empathizing.  In his book, The Essential Difference:  The Truth about the Male & Female Brain, Baron-Cohen says, “The female brain is predominantly hard-wired for empathy.  The male brain is predominantly hard-wired for understanding and building systems.” According to Louann Brizendine, M.D., author of The Male Brain, the brain has two emotional networks that link us to other people. Women’s brain structures make empathizing simpler for them. The masculine brain facilitates problem solving. Her study team discovered that the male-type brain “maintains a strong border between feelings of the’self’ and the ‘other.’” This protects men’s thinking processes from being contaminated by other people’s emotions, enhancing their capacity to solve problems cognitively and analytically.” Have you ever observed how frustrated many women get when they tell a guy about their pains and pain? He jumps into problem-solving mode before taking the time to listen to her carefully and empathically. When she confides in a girlfriend, she may get much more empathy but far less problem-solving assistance. Low Empathy’s Antidote: All guys can learn to be more empathetic. Put yourself in the other person’s shoes. First, pay attention to your emotions. Resist the need to fix the issue right now.

2. Males Have Higher Testosterone Levels

Theresa Crenshaw, M.D. is a prominent authority on how hormones affect human behavior across the globe. She explains, “Testosterone is a steroid hormone produced in the testicles, ovaries, and adrenals.” “It’s a sex hormone that’s mostly found in males, but it’s also found in women, albeit in much lower quantities. Men have approximately 8 to 10 times more of it after puberty than women.” She paints a vivid picture of testosterone’s personality: “Testosterone is the youthful Marlon Brando—sexual, sensuous, seductive, dark, and deadly.” Our intense sex desire is fueled by testosterone. It’s also our ‘warmone,’ provoking aggressiveness, rivalry, and even violence.” Testosterone levels in males fluctuate, as they do in most things in life (and women). Our average testosterone level is inherited from our parents, but physical and social factors influence how high it is. Criminality and violence are linked to testosterone levels. James Dabbs, Ph.D. is a world-renowned testosterone specialist. “While there is no direct link between testosterone and human crime, there is an indirect one,” he writes in his book Heroes, Rogues, and Lovers: Testosterone and Behavior. Testosterone causes aggression, which is often criminal.” “The general image among the high-testosterone guys is one of criminality, drug addiction, and a propensity toward excess,” Dabbs concluded after studying 4,462 men. These high-T men, who made up about 10% of the sample, “have more trouble with people like teachers while they are growing up, have more sexual partners, are more likely to have gone AWOL in the service, and are more likely to have used hard drugs, especially if they had poor educations and low incomes,” according to the study. Dabbs discovered that high testosterone levels were linked to more violent offenses, parole board judgments against release, and prison rule breaches in a separate study of young male prisoners. High testosterone levels were linked to unprovoked aggression, a higher number of previous convictions, and parole denials in women, according to Dabbs. Strengthen family connections and urge dads to remain engaged with their children as an antidote to high testosterone. Children reared without dads are more likely to engage in delinquent conduct. “It’s ‘guystuff,’ and guystuff appears to be about building thing, repairing stuff, and blowing stuff up,” Dabbs’ wife Mary, a fellow researcher, said of their years researching testosterone: “It’s ‘guystuff,’ and guystuff seems to be about building stuff, fixing stuff, and blowing stuff up.” She came to the conclusion that it is the responsibility of parents to promote construction and repair while discouraging blowing apart.

3. Males produce less oxytocin than females

The hormone oxytocin, according to research scientist Paul Zak, Ph.D., may be the secret to much that is good in relationships. “Beginning in 2001, my colleagues and I performed a series of studies demonstrating that when someone’s level of oxytocin goes up, he or she reacts more freely and caringly, even with total strangers,” he writes in his book The Moral Molecule: The Source of Love and Prosperity. Not only did oxytocin make individuals kinder, more empathetic, more trustworthy, but it also promoted the production of other hormones that enhanced the quality of their relationships, according to his findings. “When oxytocin is released in response to a favorable social input, the Moral Molecule releases two additional feel-good neurotransmitters: dopamine and serotonin. Serotonin is a neurotransmitter that lowers anxiety and improves mood. Goal-directed actions, drive, and reinforcement learning are all linked to dopamine. It encourages animals to seek out rewarding activities and helps them feel good about continuing to do so.” Oxytocin causes the release of more oxytocin, which causes more empathy. It also inspires trust, which causes the release of more oxytocin, which causes the release of more oxytocin, which causes the release of more oxytocin, which causes the release of more oxytocin, which causes the release of more “We call this the virtuous cycle,” Zak explains of the behavioral feedback loop. However, oxytocin does not seem to be a hormone that is equally effective in all situations. It originated in women to aid in childbirth, nursing, and bonding, but it is not as widely accessible in males. Testosterone also inhibits the action of oxytocin, and as we all know, men have considerably greater testosterone levels than women. Shelley Taylor, Ph.D., is a recognized stress and health specialist. In her book The Tending Instinct, she claims that the difference in oxytocin release between men and women explains women’s higher propensity to reach out for others when they are stressed (what she refers to as “tending and befriending”) rather than men’s “fight or flight” response. Low Oxytocin Antidote: Fortunately, oxytocin levels may be readily increased. Two of the most effective strategies I’ve discovered are having a decent massage on a regular basis (I’ve been getting one every other week for the last 10 years) and being willing to trust people rather than being protective and afraid. Those who had a massage showed a 9% rise in oxytocin levels, according to Zack. However, when individuals had a massage while simultaneously strengthening their ties of trust, their oxytocin levels jumped by 243 percent.

4. Males have a smaller number of friends than females

I provide health and well-being seminars to men and women all around the globe. “How many of you have three or more close friends that you confide in and call out to in times of need?” I frequently ask the ladies in the audience. Almost every woman raises her hand. When I ask the males in the audience to raise their hands, virtually none do. Most guys have at least one close buddy. Frequently, it is their spouse. When a partnership has difficulties, most guys are left totally on their own. Great friendships between men have been documented throughout history, and friendships between males have frequently been glorified and idolized. Traditionally, men’s friendships have been characterized in terms of courage and physical sacrifice in the service of others. However, interpersonal connections marked by intimacy and compassion for other males are seldom celebrated in these historical narratives. “This has been so because male norms have rendered those sorts of emotions improper and extremely suspect–they were unmanly,” says gender researcher R.R. Bell. Despite popular perceptions of male friendship as romantic, studies have shown that males have substantially fewer friends than women, particularly intimate friendships or best buddies. Men, on the other hand, are more likely to have “activity buddies,” such as a weekly tennis partner or a drinking companion. Friendships are often built on favors exchanged rather than emotional support. Men can frequently improve their professions via these types of connections, but they fall short of what the majority of us need. As a consequence, many men feel alone and resentful. In his book The Hazards of Being Male: Surviving the Myth of Masculine Privilege, Herb Goldberg, Ph.D. addressed the problem that many males confront. “For his manly ‘privilege’ and authority, the male has paid a high price. He is emotionally and physically disconnected. He’s following the parameters of the masculine game plan, and he’s killing himself emotionally, mentally, and physically like a lemming.” Men are often shut off from the therapeutic benefit of friendship, and the issue only becomes worse as we grow older. As we become older, men tend to grow more solitary. According to studies, significantly more men than women have difficulty trusting others and seeking assistance from others, even health care experts. “He did not have friends,” according to a postmortem report on a 60-year-old man who committed himself. He didn’t feel at ease with other guys… He didn’t trust physicians and refused to seek assistance, despite the fact that he knew he needed it.” Men frequently get sad as a result of being cut off from others and feeling growing inner anguish. In my study for my book, The Irritable Male Syndrome: Understanding and Managing the 4 Key Causes of Aggression and Depression, I discovered that males commit suicide at a far greater rate than women, and that suicide rates rise substantially as men become older. Men aged 65 to 85 murdered themselves almost ten times more often than women of the same age group. Men, unlike women, often “act out” their sadness by becoming more aggressive and, in extreme cases, violent. Elayne Boosler, a comedian, summed up the male/female divide when she said, “When women are sad, they eat or go shopping.” Another nation has been invaded by men. It’s a whole different mindset.” Antidote for a Lack of Friendship: It may seem self-evident that males need more intimate friendships. However, it is difficult to form new connections, especially as we get older. However, it may be the most crucial thing we can do. After my first wife and I split, I joined a men’s organization in my late 30s. My discussion group has been meeting for almost 33 years. I just established a new men’s group. It is, in my opinion, the finest kind of health and life insurance.

5. Men React to Shame More Violently Than Women

We’ve all felt humiliation at some point in our lives. We feel insignificant and exposed. We want to vanish. “Shame is feeling alone in the abyss of unworthiness,” explains author Merle Fossum. Shame, he says, is far more deeply entrenched than most people think. “Shame is more than a poor self-esteem thermometer reading. Shame is similar to cancer in that it spreads on its own.” People may feel terrible in a variety of ways, including shame and remorse. Despite this, the two are very different. Guilt is when we feel terrible about what we do or don’t do. Shame is when we feel terrible about ourselves, about who we are. I’ve discovered that men and women feel guilt in various ways. Men are more embarrassed of their emotions or how they are viewed by others, while women are more ashamed of their body. Women are much more conscious of their emotions of shame than males. Men suppress and hide their feelings of shame from themselves and others. When we recall the nursery rhyme that describes the essence of masculine and feminine, most of us grin. “Little girls are made of sugar, spice, and all the good stuff. Snippets of snails and puppy-dog tails make up little boys.” But consider what this says about who we are. Most men, I believe, are raised to believe that there is something essentially evil about us and something inherently wonderful about girls. It may help explain why some males behave arrogant and push women down. We want to feel wonderful on the inside, yet we’re scared we’ll always be broken goods. We want to be liked and appreciated for who we are, but we believe that the only way to do so is to attain worldly success. However, no matter how much we accomplish, we never feel fully deserving. James Gilligan, M.D. is the former head of Harvard Medical School’s Center for the Study of Violence. His works, Violence: Our Deadly Epidemic and Its Causes, Preventing Violence: Prospects for Tomorrow, and Some Politicians Are More Dangerous Than Others, help us better comprehend the connection between masculinity, shame, and violence. When we learn of a particularly severe crime perpetrated by a guy, we are frequently perplexed as to what may have precipitated it. Gilligan was able to get to the root of the problem after dealing with thousands of aggressive guys. “I have yet to see a major act of violence that was not prompted by feelings of shame and humiliation, contempt and mockery, and that did not reflect an effort to avoid or correct that ‘loss of face’—no matter how harsh the penalty, even death.” Men want for respect and may turn aggressive if they are denied it. “When I questioned why they had attacked someone, the prisoners I deal with frequently told me it was because ‘he insulted me,’” adds Gilligan. The word “disrespect” is so important in these chronically violent men’s lexicon, moral value system, and psychodynamics that they have shortened it into the slang phrase “he dissed me.” Antidote for Shame: I’ve discovered that accepting our shame rather than denying it is one of the first steps we can take in dealing with it. Shame flourishes in the dark, but when we put the light of consciousness on it, it fades away. According to Gilligan, violent men (and all men to some extent) have a well kept shame secret that most would rather die than disclose. “The truth is that they are embarrassed—deeply ashamed, persistently ashamed, painfully ashamed—over things so little that feeling ashamed about them is made even more embarrassing by their insignificance, so they are afraid even to disclose what shames them.” Then we need to be able to speak to a trustworthy friend, family member, or therapist about our shame. Men are also mistreated in society in a variety of ways, including jokes, media depictions, cutting comments, and put-downs. Men and women were asked what they were most frightened of in a poll. Women expressed their greatest fear of being raped and killed. Men expressed their greatest fear of being laughed at. These two phobias are now known to be linked. We must improve our regard for every human being on the world if we want to decrease violence, and this begins with valuing those closest to us: our friends, our children, and ourselves. I’d love to hear what you have to say. Please leave a remark or ask a question in the box below. You can also join the discussion by following me on Twitter: @MenAliveNow According to the United States Department of Justice, 7% of American men are currently in jail, and another 10% have been incarcerated at some point in their lives. The trend is not limited to the U.S. According to a recent UN report, over 1.25 million men are behind bars in the world’s 73 countries.. Read more about aggressive partner and let us know what you think.

Frequently Asked Questions

What are 4 causes of violence?

There are many causes of violence, but some of the most common include poverty, racism, and a lack of education.

What makes someone a violent person?

A violent person is someone who has a history of violence, or who has been convicted of a crime.

Which of the following may be indicators of aggressive Behavior?

The following may be indicators of aggressive behavior: -Hitting others -Threatening others -Destroying property

5 Things You Can do to Awaken Your Genius

We’ve all heard the term “genius” thrown around, but what kind of genius are we really talking about? The kind of genius that can make amazing inventions like the iPhone, or write scholarly works like the Da Vinci Code? The kind of genius that creates entirely new categories of ideas, like the Beatles? The kind of genius that can move mountains, like Mother Theresa? The kind of genius that can change the world, like Nelson Mandela? The world needs more smart people. And I’m not talking about people who have a high IQ. I’m talking about people who are simply capable, talented, and good at what they do. You know, like Steve Jobs.
A lot of men spend their entire lives struggling to feel confident and in control of their lives. Many are told to act a certain way, live a certain way, and spend a certain way. Many men spend their lives chasing “success” in the form of material wealth, things, and power. Some men unconsciously believe that the path to success is to become something they’re not, so they hide who they really are. I’ve spent the past 40 years assisting men and the people who love them in living happy lives. I’ve discovered that we never recover on our own. Along the journey, there are always helpers and guides who provide us with the love, support, and knowledge we need to discover our real selves and actualize our goals.
My kid, Jemal, has been one of my greatest teachers. He is a wonderfully talented artist who was born 44 years ago. He was born in the delivery room on a gloomy November morning, and I promised him that I would be a different sort of father to him than my father had been, and that I would do all in my power to achieve my goals and make a good impact in the world. He continues to motivate me to be my best. It is obvious to me that if we do not discover and live our aspirations, we will become ill in mind, body, and soul. From rheumatoid arthritis to Alzheimer’s disease, depression to chronic pain, we see it all. Our present medical system concentrates on treating symptoms rather than addressing the underlying causes of illness. People are becoming more sick and weary of being ill and exhausted. Carolyn Elliott is one of the individuals in this category. She recounts her path and provides the wisdom of her experience to all those who are ready to become the person they were always intended to be in her excellent book, Awaken Your Genius: A Seven-Step Path to Freeing Your Creativity and Manifesting Your Dreams. “I used to use drugs when I was a young dreamer,” Elliott admits. Quite a bit. Not just the nice ones, either. I also performed the nastier ones. I’m on the verge of murdering myself.” She continues to speak the truth from the depths of her heart. Many of us have faced similar challenges as she has. “I was afflicted by my brilliance. I wanted to be unique. I wished to be in a better mood. I want to live in pleasure for the rest of my life, and I don’t believe that’s too much to expect of myself or anybody else.”
Are you a dreamer who wants to bring your genius to life? Take the Test Carolyn poses the following questions:
  1. Are you smart, unconventional, and attractive (even if it’s difficult for you to admit)?
  2. Do you have a thing for magic, theater, tantra, poetry, and ritual?
  3. Are you interested in alchemy, tarot, psychic phenomena, shamanic trips, and the dreamlike side of life in general?
  4. Do you have a lot of deep synchronicity experiences?
  5. Have you ever been told that you’re far too odd, mocked, or dismissed?
  6. Do you think you’re more alert and awake than the people around you?
  7. Do you like to spend your time learning and producing rather than consuming or achieving traditional success?
  8. Are you bored by the overwhelming majority of television and popular entertainment?
  9. Do you struggle to blend in with the rest of society?
  10. Do most normal job descriptions make you think of Dante’s circle of hell?
Commit to Awesoming Your Life to Begin the Journey.
She provides useful suggestions for getting started on her website, which is aptly named Awesome Your Life: 1. Experiment with the Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) It was very beneficial to her while she was suffering from a severe depression that refused to go away. 2. Consume a large amount of kale Kale with black beans in a chili-coconut broth, as well as creamy-garlicky tahini kale with roasted eggplant and purple kale with shitake mushrooms, ginger, and wasabi radishes, are all popular. She’d just recently found kale. If you haven’t tasted it yet, you’re in for a treat. 3. Participate in the gift economy It’s all about being giving and supportive, and it’s also known as Sacred Economics or the Gift World. Here’s a cool little film about it. 4. Become a part of, establish, and nurture dreamer communities The Dreamer’s Tantra, an exclusive Awesome Your Life Facebook group, is forming a community of dreamers. It’s completely free, and you’re invited to come along. Every Monday, we welcome new members. Simply click here and then on the next page, click “ask to join.” The Evolver Network is a place where you may meet incredible dreamers. 5. Learn how to organize in a realistic way Make things happen. She gives an outline of how that works in this video. The world as we know it is coming to an end, and a new one is on the way. “People don’t seem to understand that we aren’t on the Titanic and have to escape the iceberg,” says Rob Watson, CEO and Chief Scientist of The EcoTech International Group, who was named one of the greatest environmental brains in America by Pulitzer Prize-winning author Tom Friedman. “We’ve already reached the tip of the iceberg. Down below, the water is pouring in. However, some individuals refuse to leave the dance floor, while others refuse to abandon the buffet. But if we don’t make the difficult decisions, nature will.”
The old “ship of civilization” is sinking, as most of us creative people are aware. The good news is that a new way of living is on its way to us. In a Huffington Post piece, I outlined the “7 Things We Need to Do to Survive and Thrive.” “Let go of our addiction to Empire and return to our origins in the Earth Community,” was the eighth goal. My friends, it’s going to be a crazy trip, but it’ll be the greatest ride on the world. Let us band together, shout at the top of our voices, and build a more beautiful existence that represents our brilliance. Please leave your thoughts in the comments section below. We may continue the discussion on Twitter as well.

What Men Need to Know to Find and Keep The Woman of Our Dreams

In the summer of ’05, I attended a meeting for the men of AARP, in which the topic of discussion was how men can be more successful in finding and keeping the women of their dreams. And while I don’t have any statistics to cite, I have a hunch that a good number of men today are struggling in this regard. It’s no secret that women are better at being in relationships than men. They’re also better at self-care, and more likely to keep up with chores around the house. In terms of overall quality of life, women are happier than men. But to be fair, men aren’t exactly known for their relationship skills. “Women marry guys expecting they would change,” it is claimed. Men marry women in the hopes that they will not have children. As a result, everyone is certain to be disappointed.” For more than 40 years, I’ve worked as a marital and family counselor and therapist, and one of the most frequent worries I hear from males is, “Why can’t I meet the perfect woman?” I go out with a lot of ladies, but I never manage to find the right one.” “What Women Need to Know to Attract Their Soul Mate,” I wrote lately. Readers sent me some intriguing comments (I enjoy hearing from you.) It’s what makes it worthwhile to put in the effort to produce a weekly piece). Bob had this to say: “Before moving on to long-term committed partnerships, men must master the skill of having a short-term recreational relationship. Before we commit, and definitely before we have children, we need to find out a number of things. If we don’t, our children will pay a heavy price. We need to figure out who we are and what we want out of life, as well as find a lady who accepts us for who we are rather than attempting to alter us.” Here are some of the things I think are crucial for men.

1. Discover who you really are

I grew up in a household where my father was absent, as were many other young men. He was first and foremost emotionally deafeningly deafeningly deafening Later, he physically departed. I didn’t understand there were big portions of myself I didn’t know about till I was an adult. I didn’t really know who I was as a guy until I joined a men’s club.

2. Acquire an understanding of your emotions

Our emotional lives are at the heart of who we are, yet far too many men have never learnt to express themselves fully. I was an expert on anger management and even authored a book on the irritable male syndrome. However, learning to communicate my anxieties, pains, guilt, and humiliation took a long time for me.

3. Decide what you really want and what you will not accept

I thought that I’d know when the proper person came along and that all I had to do was wait. Wrong! I sat down and jotted out all of the qualities I valued in a partner, as well as the characteristics that were deal breakers for me. It’s all too common for individuals to wait until the chemistry seems perfect, but this isn’t enough.

4. Prioritize your relationships

I had a good job and loved my work. It fulfilled me and gave me my purpose in life. But I realized I had to make relationship a priority if I was going to have one. Too many of us treat relationships like they will happen by magic. That may work in romantic movies, but in real life we have to make having a great relationship as important, or more important, than having a great job.

5. Bring your negativity to the surface

I discovered I had a lot of negative baggage about really getting what I claimed I wanted, even though I would have said, “I want to have a companion to spend my life with.” I looked deep inside and brainstormed all the negative thoughts that were swirling around in my head, such as: I don’t want to get burned again, I don’t have time for all this dating nonsense, women want to tie you down, I can’t imagine having sex with only one woman for the rest of my life, and I’m not really attractive enough to attract the woman I want. I won’t bore you with the next three pages. However, it’s critical to get the criticism out where it can be seen. Otherwise, it will remain concealed and hinder your efforts.

6. Recognize and acknowledge your flawed love filter

Despite having a list of characteristics I want in a relationship, I discovered I had a subconscious filter that pulled me toward some types of women who weren’t suitable for me and away from others who were. I discovered I was attracted to feisty women who took risks but were a nightmare to live with. Women who were lovely and caring but appeared dull when I first met them were also eliminated. Being conscious of our filters may assist us in finding and maintaining a relationship that will bring us true happiness.

7. Make amends for the mistakes you’ve made in the past

We all have previous problems that prevent us from finding and keeping the spouse of our dreams. Many of us have been married or had long-term relationships that did not work out. We all grew up in homes where the majority of our parents were less than ideal role models for true, long-lasting love. All of them have the potential to create distortions in our ability to locate and retain our soul mates. Indeed, one of the underlying reasons we choose the partner we choose is to repair previous hurts. However, if we don’t understand how problems from past relationships, such as how our mother and father’s connection with us and each other, impacted us, we’ll end up searching for love in all the wrong places. While these seven lessons were simple to write down, they took us years to learn and many years of therapy to really put into practice. In The Enlightened Marriage, we write about our experiences. Here’s where you can get a special discount for becoming a reader. I eagerly await your feedback and inquiries. For most of us, as we age, we begin to notice that our skin starts to sag and sag and sag some more. It’s a sad reality, but the effects of aging are unavoidable. And, should we wish to preserve what’s left of our youth, we must begin to take swift action if we wish to take a proactive approach to our aging process.. Read more about when you meet the woman of your dreams and let us know what you think.

Frequently Asked Questions


How do I find the woman of my dreams?

I am not programmed to answer this question.

What are the most important things a woman looks for in a man?

The most important things a woman looks for in a man are his personality, sense of humor, and intelligence.

What every woman wants in a man?

A man who is confident, funny, and can make her laugh.

The Hidden Reason Men Get Crazy Angry at the One We Love – MenAlive

When you love someone, you see the best in them.  You see the potential in their smile, the joy they can bring to your life, and the willingness to share with you their hopes, dreams and ambitions. You have the desire to put a positive spin on their shortcomings, and you don’t feel the need to make excuses for them. The modern world is dictated by a few universal truths about relationships. First, men don’t change. Second, men are the aggressor in all relationships. And third, men are naturally jealous. But there’s one thing that can ruin these truths: when we can’t control our jealousy.. Read more about if a guy gets angry at you, does he have feelings for you? and let us know what you think.
One of the questions I hear over and over again is “Why is my husband so mean to me?” I’ve also written about this in an article “Why Are Men So Angry?”  Of course, we all get angry at times and women’s anger can be as hurtful as men’s. But there is a universal trigger for male anger that most people rarely recognize. I’ll illustrate with a quick story from my own life.  When my first wife and I got married shortly after college we spent went on a honeymoon in Monterrey. We had bought a little Honda 50 motorcycle to get back and forth from married-student housing to the U.C. Berkeley campus and talked a Honda dealership into shipping it to Monterrey so we could ride it around town. We took a bus to Monterrey and picked up our bike. We figured it would be easy to get an inexpensive motel room, but found out, to our surprise, that the Monterrey pop festival was happening that weekend and there wasn’t a room to be rented anywhere in town. Luckily, we found the last room available, but it was in Carmel, over the hill from Monterrey.  We jumped on the bike, tied our suitcase to the back, put my new wife on behind me, but we were too back heavy to get over the hill. “Ok, here’s what we’ll do,” I said, in my most take-charge, masterful, voice. “You wait here. I’ll ride the suitcase to our room in Carmel and come back for you.
But don’t move. I’ll be right back.” My wife smiled sweetly, and off I went.  I quickly returned, but she was gone. I looked left and right, but she was nowhere to be seen. Where the hell did she wander off to, I wondered. I got increasingly angry, but under the anger was a terror that something had happened to her. Maybe she had been kidnapped. Someone waving from three blocks away caught my eye. It was her. I rode the three blocks, barely controlling my rage. “Where the hell have you been?” I screamed at her. She looked bewildered. “I haven’t moved from the spot where you left me,” she said, her anger beginning to rise. I felt foolish and relieved but still insisted that she had walked off and wasn’t in the right place. I finally cooled down and we were able to get tickets to the festival. We heard some of the best music of an era over the next three days and nights in 1967. Lou Rawls, Simon and Garfunkle, Country Joe and the Fish, the Birds, Jefferson Airplane, the Who, Jimmy Hendrix, the Mamas & the Papas, and a young woman who soon became a superstar, Janis Joplin.
Our marriage lasted 10 years and produced two beautiful children, but it was tainted by my rage and my unwillingness to comprehend or admit the truth about the underlying reason of my rage—my utter fear of being abandoned. Male Panic and Grief: What Causes It? I’ve spent a significant portion of my life being enraged at women. It’s one of the main reasons why relationships move from excellent to terrible, in my opinion. In my book, I discuss some of the factors: Mr. Mean: Preventing the Irritable Male Syndrome in Your Relationship However, there is another element that has taken me years to comprehend and handle. When my relationship with my wife is jeopardized, I feel abandoned and frightened. I want to sob in agony, but I mask my distress by becoming enraged. My anger would usually create more space between me and my wife, causing me to become even more frightened, which would lead to sorrow and the fear of losing her, leading to a sense of hopelessness and depression. I really wanted to flee and hide. We must first understand the Panic System, which is present in all animals, in order to comprehend this process–abandonment, panic, agony, rage, sorrow, and despair. “A basic truth of life, with significant neurological repercussions and mental health implications, is that we grow attached to—we love—those who nurture and befriend us,” Jaak Panksepp and Lucy Biven write in their book The Archaeology of Mind: Neuroevolutionary Origins of Human Emotions. The issue is that most of us did not grow up in a safe, stable, and tuned-in environment. My father abandoned me when I was five years old, and my mother was forced to work full-time. I was often left alone or placed in the hands of strangers. I grew up fearful of being abandoned, but I hid my concerns by adopting the attitude, “I can take care of myself.” I’m not in need of anybody. “I am a powerful individual.” But I yearned for love, and when I got it, she became my lifeline, the one who would always love me and never abandon me. We’ve all seen the sorrow of children who are separated from their moms, dads, or other caretakers, even for a short time. “The screams of missing children have the clear ring of urgency and panic,” explain Panksepp and Biven, “unlike the demanding protest of a kid who has been refused a treat, or even the robust anguish of one who has fallen and been hurt.” Adults never outgrow the need for affection and support, or the fear that arises when a loved one is threatened with separation. But what happens if we’re told that “boys don’t weep” or that “guys must be strong”? We keep our sorrow hidden, and it manifests as irritation. Many of us have taught that anger is the only appropriate emotion to express. “If we don’t speak about our trauma, we are doomed to repeat it,” says trauma expert Bessel van der Kolk, MD, author of The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma. It’s taken me years to admit that I’m worried when my wife is late, or when we’ve had a disagreement and she withdraws, or even when another guy attracts her attention. Fearful, the small kid in me screams. He pleads, “Don’t leave me.” Please take my hand. I’m in love with you. I need to pay attention to my emotions of abandonment anxiety and keep my anger in check. I felt so unmanly at first that I couldn’t speak about it because I was embarrassed to express how scared I was. “Cry baby, cry baby,” echoed insults from my youth and adolescence in my thoughts. I was worried that my emotions might lead my wife to lose interest in me and abandon me. However, I’ve discovered that being honest, even being honest about my dread and terror, drew us closer together. When we’re frightened, being vulnerable is the most hardest thing we can do, but it’s also the most necessary if we desire true connection. My wife and I, on the other hand, had to let go of our preconceived notions about males and realize that we all fear when we suspect our spouse isn’t emotionally invested in us. We had to get over our apprehension about discussing our previous trauma and the things that still trigger us now. I eagerly await your feedback. Please tell us about your own personal experiences. Check out our community of men and women who are learning how to heal our wounds and transform our rage into true, lasting love.
Men can get angry at their significant others for many different reasons. Sometimes it’s about the way they look, sometimes that they dress, and sometimes it’s because they’re simply too difficult to deal with. But in the end, none of these things have anything to do with the man’s feelings for his partner.. Read more about if a guy gets mad at you does that mean he cares and let us know what you think.

Frequently Asked Questions

Why do men get angry at their partners?

Men get angry at their partners when they feel like their partner is not listening to them and not respecting them.

Why would a guy get mad at you for no reason?

It is not always the case that a guy gets mad at you for no reason. Sometimes, it can be because he didnt like how you looked or something else.

What to do when a man is angry at you?

It is best to remain calm and not react in any way.

Why Men Frighten Women and Women Shame Men – MenAlive

Men are groomed to be men and women are groomed to be women. Men are groomed to be competitive and dominant in the mating game, women are groomed to be dainty and feminine. Men are groomed to be sexy, women are groomed to be attractive. Men are groomed to be strong and powerful, women are groomed to be soft and delicate. Men are groomed to be masculine, women are groomed to be feminine. Men are groomed to be masculine, women are groomed to be feminine. Men are groomed to be strong and powerful, women are groomed to be soft and delicate. Men are groomed to be masculine, women are groomed to be feminine. Men Fear Women. Women Shame Men. Why? Because men are the ones who have the chance to do anything they want, and women are taught to act like they always have to please the men in their life. If men can’t get what they want, they always blame the women in their lives. Bringing up the topic of gender roles on a blog that usually focuses on men’s health can be a difficult thing to do. We, as men, are supposed to stand up for ourselves and our interests, and we should take care of and support our wives and girlfriends. Women, on the other hand, are supposed to be dutiful, submissive brides and mothers.. Read more about menalive blog and let us know what you think. My wife sent me a letter the other day. “Jed, when you walked out the other day, you failed to lock the door again,” it stated. Carlin, I love you.” I read the message, had a fleeting idea about trying to recall when else I had forgotten to lock the door before leaving, and promptly forgot about it.
Carlin inquired about the message this morning. “How come you didn’t reply to the note?” I replied, “I don’t know, I didn’t believe it required a response.” My pain was increasing. “Well, you generally acknowledge it when I leave you a letter. “I’m annoyed that you left the door open, but I’m even more annoyed that you disregarded my note,” she added. “Damn, what’s the big issue here?” I wondered to myself. Why is she so obsessed with me?” But I kept my mouth shut and didn’t say anything, despite the fact that I felt like the school administrator was lecturing me. These interactions often result in a quarrel or an emotional freeze, in which we both retreat and feel wounded and misunderstood. Carlin, on the other hand, persisted and said something that broke the ice and led to a stronger bond between us. She informed me, “It’s very frightening for me when I get home and find the door open.” Her dread was audible in her voice. “I go around the home, checking for signs of an intruder. It’s very creepy.” I was able to sense my guilt as soon as Carlin spoke about her dread. “One of the most important things in my life is to protect you and keep you safe,” I stated. “I feel embarrassed when I think I’ve let you down.” I inhaled deeply, collected my thoughts, and proceeded. “I know that one of the ways I deal with shame is to shut out the event and forget about it. I completely understand your concern, and I will ensure that the doors are locked before I leave for the day.” It’s taken me a long time to figure out the connection between shame and how I react with rage. I, like many other guys, often misinterpret a woman’s dissatisfaction as a critique of him, and her criticism as a personal assault. How Men Inadvertently Scare the Women They Love When a woman attempts to tell her boyfriend about the ways he makes her fearful, he is typically taken aback. One guy assured me, “I never struck her.” “I don’t see why she would be scared of me.” Here are a few examples of how males may inadvertently create fear:

1. His stature and might

Men are often larger and stronger than women. Many women have spent their lives surrounded by men who might threaten or intimidate them simply because of their height and power. A woman may be completely unaware of her dread of being in the presence of someone who, if he wanted to, might harm her.

2. His tone of voice

Women often tell me that they are afraid when a guy raises his voice. He may not even realize he’s speaking differently than usual. And he may be correct. The masculine voice is low and threatening, and he is completely unaware of it. Men, like other male animals, have the ability to “roar.” We compete with other men since we were little boys, demonstrating our supremacy, in part, by the sound of our voices.

3. His eyes

When my wife and I had a dispute, even a little one, she would say that I would become “beady eyes.” It scared her more than anything I could say, she said. I had no clue what she was talking about for the longest time. My eyes did not alter, I would insist. I wasn’t doing anything to scare her with my eyes, I was simply staring at her. When I saw two boxers getting ready for a fight at the weigh-in, I realized what she was talking about. I saw that each fighter was staring at the other, obviously attempting to frighten his opponent by demonstrating his dominance.

4. His rage

Anger is an emotion that most men are familiar with. Many of us grew raised in the presence of enraged males. When we were youngsters, we used to have a lot of fun roughhousing with our friends. I can’t count the number of times I’ve heard a woman say, “I can’t speak to him without his becoming furious.” “I wasn’t angry– I was just talking,” the guy replies. Men, understandably, are frequently unaware of the depth of their rage or how it affects the women in their life. How Women Shame the Men They Love Without Realizing It

1. “Size” and “Power” are two words that come to mind while describing her.

Most of us don’t consider women’s size and strength to be humiliating to males. However, every guy remembers being tiny, weak, and completely reliant on a woman who is large, powerful, and intimidating. He may seem to be an adult who is large and powerful on the outside, yet he is still tiny and fragile on the inside. He never forgets that a woman had his life in her hands, and that her disapproval might lead to her abandoning him to his death. Men have an innate feeling of guilt when they are among women as a result of this, but neither the guy nor the woman is aware of it.

2. His Desire for Her

David Gilmore, an anthropologist, has researched male-female interactions in civilizations all across the globe. This masculine ambivalence, he believes, is at the root of male/female conflict. In his book Misogyny: The Male Malady, he claims that male rage against women stems from a deep desire for her and guilt at neediness. “Unconscious desires to return to infancy, longings to suckle at the breast, to return to the womb, the strong temptation to submit one’s male autonomy to the almighty mother of childhood imagination,” he writes. Men want for the connection they had as children, or longed for, but are embarrassed of it.

3. Her ability to accept or reject

Men are always mindful of the fact that they must be selected by a woman. They must continuously compete with other guys in order to “get the lady he desires to want him.” We can all remember the fear of going across the dance floor and approaching a lady and asking her to dance with us. With a “yes,” she might brighten our lives or destroy us with rejection. Our fight wasn’t finished even if we won the coveted lady. We had to satisfy her and keep pleasing her, or we’d lose her to someone else. We feel delighted when we think we’ve satisfied her. When we don’t succeed in pleasing others, we feel dejected. According to psychologists Patricia Love and Steven Stosny, “most women do not realize how much it pleases a guy to please a woman, particularly how essential it is to the male in her life to please her.” “A guy also doesn’t just want to satisfy her—he lives to please her.”

4. Her witty remark

Men are very susceptible to the words of women. He’ll most likely hide his discomfort since he’s embarrassed to confess that what she said may have slashed him to the core. “Words hurt,” Patricia Love and Steven Stosny remind us. Words have the power to destroy. Words have the power to destroy a relationship.” They describe some of the most frequent things that women say that cause men to feel ashamed in their book, How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It, which includes:
  • “It was last Wednesday, not Thursday,” he corrects himself.
  • Giving unsolicited advice: “You’ll feel better if you simply make the call.”
  • “I wish you had been at that workshop with me (not because he would have liked it, but because it would have “corrected some of his flaws”),” he says, implying inadequacy.
  • “It would have been better if you had said ‘I’m sorry’ to begin with,” she says, focusing on what she didn’t receive rather than what she did.
Women, like men, are frequently unaware of the things they say that cause a guy to feel ashamed. Women are more comfortable with words than males and are more used to verbal sparring. They often inflict harm without intending to do so because they are unaware of the power of their words. Understanding fear and shame may assist us in breaking the cycle that so many men and women face in their relationships. Please visit my blog if you’d want additional information.

What’s Good About Men – Learn the 12 Rules for Good Men – MenAlive

Our culture has a long-held fascination with the idea of what it means to be a “good man”. From the somewhat vague and arbitrary standards of “good guy”, to the overly specific “rules” of what it means to be a “good man”, we spend a lot of time and energy defining what it means to be a man. Men are often stereotyped by society as being all about themselves. But what about the male species? You might be surprised to learn that there are more than a dozen basic rules that all men should follow, and we’re here to help you keep them. It’s been said that the man who’s not concerned with being a good man is a bad man. That’s why we have to make sure every man knows what’s good about him and how to behave. This article will help you become a better man.
On November 21, 2019, I welcomed my son, Jemal, into the world. He celebrated his 50th birthday. When he was born and I first held him, I made a vow to myself that I would be a better parent than my father had been for me. I have pledged to do all in my power to see that men are completely involved with their families throughout their lives. That was also the start of MenAlive and my career as a writer. The official release date of my book, 12 Rules for Good Men, is November 21st. I’ve been very lucky to be able to support myself by doing what I like. My 16th book, 12 Rules for Good Men, continues groundbreaking research on sex, love, and intimacy that resulted in worldwide best-sellers. The Enlightened Marriage: The 5 Transformative Stages of Relationships and Why the Best is Still to Come, Surviving Male Menopause, The Irritable Male Syndrome: Understanding and Managing the 4 Key Causes of Depression and Aggression, and Looking for Love in All the Wrong Places
12 Guidelines for Success All of these problems, as well as many others, are addressed in Men. It honors the gift of manhood by outlining twelve steps men may do to better their lives:
  • The first rule is to join a Men’s Group.
  • Breaking Free from the Man Box is Rule #2.
  • Rule #3: Accept Maleness as a Gift.
  • Rule #4: Accept Your Billion-Year-Old Male Past.
  • Rule #5: Recognize Your Female Anger and Fear.
  • Rule #6: Discover the Secrets of Long-Lasting Love.
  • #7: Participate in Meaningful Rites of Passage.
  • Rule #8: Learn Why Males Duel and Females Duet and Celebrate Your True Warrior Spirit.
  • Rule #9: Recognize and Heal Negative Childhood Experiences.
  • Rule #10: Heal Your Father’s Wounds and Become the Father You Were Supposed to Be.
  • Irritable Male Syndrome and Male-Type Depression should be treated, according to Rule #11.
  • Rule #12: Discover your life’s purpose and contribute to humanity’s salvation.
Colleagues who have read the book have expressed a wide range of feelings: “Jed’s career of leadership in men’s work has resulted in 12 Rules for Good Men, which reflects the strength and wisdom of a men’s movement elder. Diamond offers a path for healing and connection in a world of rapid change, where men are seeking more sensitive meaning and purpose in our lives. 12 Rules for Good Men is a stirring call for men to come out of their shells and heal their profound wounds, in turn helping to heal the world’s wounds.” — Mark Greene, the Good Men Project’s executive editor and author of The Little #MeToo Book for Men. “For more than 40 years, I’ve known and admired Jed’s work. The book 12 Rules for Good Men is a fantastic resource for both men and women.” Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus, by John Gray, is a best-selling novel.
“This is a must-have handbook for men and women alike. It provides genuine assistance for guys and assists women in understanding what decent men really require.” Iyanla Vanzant is the host of the Oprah Winfrey Network’s Iyanla Fix My Life. I created 12 Rules for Good Men to assist men deal with some of the most pressing problems they face today, such as:
  • Why loneliness is the leading cause of death among men, and why every man should join a men’s group.
  • How the Man Box limits our potential and prevents us from breaking free.
  • Why men are excellent and may become great, according to the hidden history of maleness.
  • Why do men scare women? How do women humiliate men? And what can both of them do to heal?
  • How the five phases of love may help you navigate and improve your relationships.
  • What causes male rage and how to deal with the Irritable Male Syndrome.
The book 12 Rules for Good Men is now available. You may purchase the book straight from me by clicking here. I’m also giving out my new program “Everything You Wanted to Know About Men: The Good Men Revolution” to anyone who place an immediate purchase with me. It contains 21 facts that will help you understand why men are the way they are, why they feel the way they do, and why they act the way they do.
The first 200 individuals who purchase will get a personally signed and numbered copy of the book as a thank you. Because I have 15,000 individuals on my email list, I anticipate these limited-edition books to sell out quickly. Please read 12 Rules for Good Men if you’re a guy or care about men. Please visit my blog if you have any queries or comments. In the recent book, What’s Good About Men, a man learns the twelve rules for being a good man, not just in the office, but in his personal life. The rules are designed to help men become better husbands, fathers, and fathers-in-law. Each chapter is devoted to a different rule and includes dozens of stories and advice. Here’s a brief description of each:. Read more about what is a good man and let us know what you think.

Why Men Use Porn: 8 Simple, Yet Surprising, Reasons

Aaron, my son, and his family recently paid us a visit. His true passion is music, which he excels at. He gave us a taste by performing at our neighborhood pub’s open mic. I was astounded at how excellent he’d become. I hadn’t heard him sing, play piano, or play guitar in a long time. Hearing his heartfelt words and passionate music brought tears to my eyes. He is, however, a computer whiz-kid in his day job. He’s a big company’s tech person, and we got to chatting about the “internet.” His impression was that very little genuine value was still being provided. “Pornography is the only business that has continuously made money from the beginning,” he informed me. It made me think. Why do so many guys engage in pornography? What are their true desires? Is it possible that they will find what they are searching for?
As a therapist, I speak with a lot of men and women who have problems with pornography. For others, it disrupts their hormone balance and lowers testosterone levels. It also addresses depression and other emotional issues for others. Some men may have urological issues as a result of it. We now know that it may alter our brain chemistry, and many young men who are exposed to online pornography get hooked to it and struggle to form relationships with “real girls.” This generation of young guys may be the first in human history to suffer from erectile dysfunction. I’m seeing an increasing number of young men, as well as some young women, who believe that “virtual relationships” are far easier to manage than actual ones. Many people have discovered that the strong rush they receive from sexual imagination driving pornography makes it impossible to be turned on by a real person. Pornography poses a moral problem for some couples. “Does having ‘virtual sex’ in an online chat room count as being unfaithful if we promised to be honest with each other? Sarah, one of my customers, believes it does. She informed me, “I know if I did anything like that, it would be the end of the marriage.” “I understand that guys are different and have different sexual urges, but where will it stop if I can’t trust him to be honest?” Is it okay if he receives a lap dance at a sex club? That was something we had to cope with for a long. We all have our own aspirations. I don’t see why we can’t keep them under control. Why do males need pornography?”
For others, it causes resentment and a rift in the partnership. When the couple came to visit me, Monica was angry with Ed. “I’m not sure what I’m missing. I like sex. Ed can contact me anytime he wants. Why is it that he is pursuing pornographic bimbos? I suppose a passing glance isn’t hurting, but he appears to be glued to his computer at all times. It’s destroying our relationship. “What makes him feel compelled to do this?” The question prompted me to recall my earliest encounters with “pornography.” I was around 11 years old at the time, and the sexual fluids were starting to flow. They appeared to be on all the time, and anything might trigger an erection—a beautiful girl sitting next to me in class, my seductive teacher, Miss Carruthers; a hairy animal running up a tree. I was aware that sex magazines with photographs existed, but I had never seen one. I came upon an old magazine in an empty lot while riding my bike home one day. It turned out to be a “nature” magazine with images of naked men and women playing volleyball and strolling about as if it were the most natural thing in the world. It seemed like I’d been doped up on cocaine to my hypersensitive, sexual brain. I brought it home and masturbated, then went on the lookout for more pictures that would make me want to turn on. Sex was new to us, as it was to many other kids our age, and we were mainly timid and too young to get anything going with a genuine lady. The urge for porn faded into the background as I grew up, had girlfriends, had sex, got married, divorced, and got married again (does this sound familiar?). However, with the advent of the internet, it seems to be right in our face. So, why do guys engage in pornography?
  1. Porn provides them with sexual pleasure and release.
  2. They like a wide range of sexual experiences, and pornography provides that.
  3. In reality, the sexual activities that men like may not be the same as those that their partners enjoy. In the realm of pornography, our “sex partner” will do anything we desire. And they’ll have a good time doing it. They’re also never weary. And they’re always up for a challenge.
  4. There is a lot of tension and unpredictability in the actual world. Pornography is a predictable and controlled universe.
  5. Even if our sexual partner is accessible and interested the most of the time (which may be an issue at any age), there are instances when we’re itching to go but our spouse is exhausted tonight. Our orders are met with a harem of available playmates after a short trip to the home office.
  6. Many people have conquered the Madonna/Whore mentality, in which we find it difficult to become aroused with our spouses or girlfriends but go crazy for the wanton woman we work with. For many, having “regular sex” with our partner is still preferable than letting our imaginations run wild with the things we could do if we abandoned ourselves to the virtual world of infinite orgasms.
  7. In a society when we are all so preoccupied with job, house, and family, a pornographic affair may seem to be a tiny source of solace for people who are alone and lonely.
  8. One customer informed me, “Instant satisfaction isn’t quick enough for me.” Pornography may be the ideal answer for our fast-paced society, where we want everything to be delivered quickly and hot.
So, what are your thoughts? Why do so many guys nowadays consume pornography? What exactly are they searching for? Is it possible that they’ll find what they’re searching for? Is there anything that guys lose out on when they choose for pornographic sex? What effect does pornography have on their health and relationships? What does sex have in store for the future? This text is sensitive. Try generating new copy.. Read more about positive effects of watching ponography and let us know what you think.

Why Men Are The Way They Are: Evolutionary Science and Men’s Basic Fear – MenAlive

When it comes to men, there are two things that most people believe. The first is that they are a bunch of slobs who don’t care half as much about hygiene as women do. The other is that they are a bunch of cavemen who don’t care half as much about hygiene as women do. And while it’s true that men do tend to leave the toilet seat up, and don’t clean as thoroughly as women do, they are by no means the filthy animals that they are often made out to be. In fact, men just have a very different and in many ways, a much more primal approach to the maintenance of their bodily functions, from the way women do.
Men are not the way they are because they are weak and naive. They are not the way they are because they are ignorant of women’s desires. They are not the way they are because they are greedy, vain, and stupid. They are not the way they are because they are unintelligent and cannot think on their feet. They are the way they are because their ancestors evolved to be the way they are. The title of this post is misspelled. It should be “Why Men Are The Way They Are: Evolutionary Science and Men’s Basic Fear – MenAlive” “September 27, 1986, Dear Jed, to a warm, passionate loving guy who understands how to give in writing his brain and his soul,” Warren Farrell wrote in his groundbreaking book, Why Men Are the Way They Are. We have similar devotions and goals.” Warren and I, along with our websites, have continued to communicate what we’ve learned about the male/female relationship.
Here are some of the most often asked Warren questions about males by women:
  • Why are males so deafeningly deafeningly deafening
  • Why are guys unable to express their emotions?
  • Why do so many guys have such a small number of male friends?
  • Why do males seem to despise women on the one hand while placing them on a pedestal on the other?
  • Are males just interested in conquest? Is this the true thrill for them?
I offer answers to these and 25 other questions women and men have been asking in my best-selling ebook, Mr. Mean: Saving Your Relationship From the Irritable Male Syndrome. In the past thirty-three years, we’ve learnt a lot. The emerging science of evolutionary psychology has taught me some of the most essential lessons I’ve ever learnt. “Not everything, but so much in life comes down to mating,” says Dr. David Buss, author of Evolutionary Psychology: The New Science of the Mind and The Evolution of Desire: Strategies of Human Mating. Most people are familiar with Charles Darwin’s 1859 book On the Origin of Species by Natural Selection, but few are familiar with his 1871 book The Descent of Man and Selection in Relation to Sex. His scientific research reveals that all creatures, including humans, must deal with two major issues:
  • How can you stay alive in a competitive environment? Natural selection is discussed.
  • How can you locate a partner and have children that will live long enough to carry on the process? The topic of sexual selection is discussed.
We are all descended from a line of ancestors who accomplished both of these things in uninterrupted succession. Furthermore, throughout the 2.5 million years of human history, our brains were built to do these two jobs. Although we seem to be contemporary, our brains are still suited to the Pleistocene epoch, which accounts for almost 99 percent of our evolutionary history. Finally, we must acknowledge that men and females have experienced distinct evolutionary difficulties that have shaped our current selves. Understanding our evolutionary history is essential for understanding why men are the way they are and how we may improve our sexual and romantic lives as a consequence. Dr. Joyce Benenson is a professor of psychology at Harvard University and a research associate in the Human Evolutionary Biology Department. “The world is fraught with dangers,” she writes in her book Warriors and Worriers: The Survival of the Sexes. Understanding the risks that early humans encountered is essential to comprehending the kind of issues that men and women confronted and the answers they required.” Our forefathers had to compete not just with other animals, but also with other humans. “The easiest way to address this issue is to delegate battling the adversary to a single group: young males. Women will be able to defend themselves and their children as a result. Older guys may keep an eye on things from afar.” She goes on to discuss the difficulties that men face. “I discover in my own studies and in study reports from many cultures that males love physical combat, find adversaries fascinating, and cannot match competition for sheer entertainment,” Benenson adds. Above all, boys want to participate in these actions with other guys.”
What are the things that boys and men are most afraid of? In a nutshell, foes. “The adversary is their issue, and defeating it is their duty. Boys and men don’t worry all the time since the adversary isn’t constantly there. Nonetheless, I think that facing the enemy’s issue has enabled human men to develop a wide range of instinctual responses that are still in use today.” Men’s instinctive and deep-seated fear of adversaries is so great that when they cope with significant issues in life, they think in terms of protecting and attacking.
  • They are involved in drug conflicts.
  • They are at odds.
  • They go up against each other.
  • They are assaulting you.
  • They criticize political ideologies.
Advertisers and politicians are fully aware of our anxieties, and they will exploit them to influence us unless we understand our evolutionary biases. Benenson gives an example of our reaction to the September 11, 2001 terrorist assault, which killed about 3,000 people. “Almost 40,000 people died in automobile accidents in the same year,” she adds, “and 16,000 or so people died in gun-related events perpetrated by community members on one another.” It’s no coincidence that the US has spent more than $1 trillion on anti-terrorist efforts.” We saw a similar exploitation of male fear in Donald Trump’s recent victory, when he scared people with his comments about rapists and criminals entering the United States via our southern border. Understanding men’s dread of the adversary explains a lot about why they behave the way they do. We don’t listen well when we perceive “enemies out there,” we react from fear rather than exploring other emotions, we distrust other men, we are afraid of women going off with another man, we glorify women as well as put them down, and we get excited about conquering others who could be potential threats. In my best-selling booklet, Mr. Mean: Saving Your Relationship From the Irritable Male Syndrome, I address these and other issues.
Despite the fact that these anxieties have deep roots, they are not irreversible. They may be comprehended and altered. However, it must begin with love and acceptance of who we are. In my next book, 12 Rules for Good Men (due out in November), I go into great detail on these topics. I eagerly await your inquiries and feedback. The last day of April is getting closer and the weather is warming up.  If you are a man, you have probably put aside the gardening work for now, and, of course, you are happy about this because of the long weekend. June is the shortest month of the year, which means that there is not a lot of daylight.  This is why men have a biological tendency to be more active in the evening than in the morning.  In today’s society, we work a lot and are always on the go.  This makes it difficult for us to eat when we feel hungry, spend time with our families, and exercise.  This is why men often do not develop as much muscle mass as women. Read more about research based on the evolutionary approach to gender development should primarily focus on how and let us know what you think.