Divorce has unfortunately become all too common these days, with studies showing that one in three marriages end in divorce. While not all of these marriages are toxic, some of them are. Are you currently in a toxic relationship? If so, you may be suffering from a variety of concerns or issues. If you are in a toxic relationship, it is more important than ever to get the support you need to leave and to protect yourself from the consequences of staying.
Divorce is a common reason why men are feeling the squeeze. With many men feeling like they’re losing their manhood, depression and anxiety are common side effects of divorce. A recent survey from the American Association of Retired Persons found that as many as 25 percent of divorced men reported symptoms of depression.
Fifty percent of all American marriages end in divorce, but the divorce rate is even higher for men, according to the latest data from the National Center for Family and Marriage Research at Bowling Green State University in Ohio. While statistics vary (and are hard to analyze), this latest study indicates that the divorce rate for men is approximately 40 percent.
Divorce is seldom the solution, as I’ve discovered over the years. Even those who are most despondent about their marriage may rediscover the love they once had. “I’m happy and in love,” no one says. I believe I’m going to get divorced.”
Let’s face it: we all want a happy, long-lasting relationship, yet many of us are frustrated by our inability to get what we so badly want. Many of us are single and yearn for marriage.
Many of us are married yet miserable, and we are considering divorce. For almost 40 years, I’ve been counseling men and women, and I’ve seen over 10,000 couples. Clearly, some individuals should not be married and need assistance in divorcing in a manner that is least harmful to the couple and any children involved.
Most relationships, I’ve discovered, are worth preserving over time. People only think about leaving when they feel hopeless. They want for love but believe they will never find it. They are in agony, and it seems like fleeing is the best choice. However, there are a few factors to consider.
1. Keep in mind what you desired when you “knotted.”
Consider the beginning of your relationship. Remember how you felt, what you hoped for, and what you wished for. Consider the characteristics you noticed in the other person and why you wanted to have a family with them. If you’re like the majority of us, you had unreasonable expectations. You expected some ups and downs, but you didn’t expect it to become this terrible. However, it was once excellent, and it can be good again. The phrase “on the rocks” does not have to imply that the relationship is over. It may also indicate the end of old patterns that are no longer effective and the start of something completely new.
2. It just takes one person to make a positive difference in a relationship.
Most of us think that a relationship requires two individuals to function. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard someone say, “I still love him and want things to work out, but he wants out and there’s nothing I can do.” Non-sense! He’s actually saying, “I’m in a lot of pain and I don’t know what I can do to make things better.”
You have the ability to make things better for both of you. You just need assistance in locating your location. The same is true when a woman has lost interest in him and the guy believes there is nothing he can do about it.
Or I’ll get messages from guys who say things like, “I love her, but I’m not in love with her any more.” I need to go out of here to discover the love I’m missing.” No! True love never dies. It simply gets lost in the muck of our hectic lives. Or it withers due to a lack of vital nutrients. There’s a reason you’re not feeling the love, and there’s a way to restore it. All you need is some assistance moving the obstacles out of the path.
3. You’re not old enough to give up on love if you’re under 40, and you’re too smart to give up too soon if you’re over 40.
We are careless with love while we are young. We think it will be simple to fall in love and marry again if this one doesn’t work out. We don’t realize that love takes time to develop and that we must go through many difficult situations in order to learn the lessons we’ve come to learn. We believe that love’s teachings are gentle. They aren’t. They may be harsh at times, but we can only learn them if we stick with that particular someone.
We went to a session on marital enrichment led by the famous psychiatrist Carl Rogers, who had been married for over 50 years at the time, when my wife and I were young married couples. Rogers reflected about his long-term marriage throughout the evening. He looked affectionately at his wife and added, “I still remember those days when things were tough and we were thinking of breaking up.” I couldn’t picture the “great guy” having a rocky marriage, but what he said next stunned me.
“Remember, there were those eight or nine years when everything was terrible.” Is it 8 or 9 years old? I couldn’t fathom going through six months of bad luck and persevering. But, as someone who has been married for almost 35 years, I know that terrible times may linger a long time before good times return.
4. You’ve already put in a significant amount of money, and your investment is very valuable.
What is the value of a happy marriage? Marriage provides the same amount of pleasure as $132,400 in yearly income, according to a new research published in the renowned International Journal of Epidemiology. What do you lose if you split up? Separation would result in an annual income increase of $249,700.
The real expense of separation and divorce (moving out, two homes, lawyer’s costs, etc.) is not included in these numbers. If you’re a man, staying married will keep you healthy. A significant deterioration in health costs an extra $946,000 each year.
You owe it to yourself to learn how to avoid a marital breakdown, whether you care about your connection because you realize how much a successful relationship can contribute to your health, wealth, and pleasure in life, or because you work hard for your money and don’t want to squander it.
5. Instead of going to a divorce counselor, visit a marital counselor.
I know quite a few marriage and family therapists. The most of them are excellent. A couple of them are terrible. And there are just a handful who stand out. But there’s a catch. Many counselors lack the necessary years of expertise to provide individuals with the greatest chance of success.
Those with many years of experience typically received their education during a period when personal pleasure was prioritized above the happiness of the whole family—husband, wife, and children. These counselors may deliberately or subconsciously advise couples to split before they have exhausted all other options.
I advise couples contemplating divorce that they have three options to consider:
- It’s time to end your romance and go your own ways.
- There are certain obstacles in your relationship that must be overcome in order for the love you both want to return.
- Your previous relationship has come to an end, and it’s time to bury it and give birth to a new one.
I’m not personally involved in 1, 2, or 3, but most men and women who look closely discover that pursuing the hard work of 2 or 3, rather than the hard labor of 1, leads to true pleasure. You’ve already put a lot of effort into your relationship. Investing the time and effort in a competent marital counseling is a wise decision.
Anxiety and depression affect far too many individuals. They may either leave a marriage that can be saved or remain and suffer. There are better options available. I strongly advise you to reach out and get the help you need. I’d want to hear your opinions and answer any queries.
In this blog post, we are going to tackle a topic that is often overlooked: divorce. And no, we’re not going to tackle the fact that having a wife or a husband means that you have someone else in your life to blame for your problems, so it may not be the best idea to attempt to dump all your issues on them. We will address the fact that many men find that they need to move on emotionally after a divorce, regardless of the actual legal divorce proceedings.. Read more about is divorce the answer and let us know what you think.
Frequently Asked Questions
Is divorce the answer to marital problem?
Divorce is not the answer to any marital problem.
Why you should never say divorce?
Divorce is a legal process that can be very difficult and expensive.
Why is divorce so scary?
Divorce is scary because its a big change in your life. Its a decision that you have to make, and it can be difficult.