Are You Married to a Depressed Husband? Maybe It’s IMS – Take the Quiz


In 2013, the American Association of Clinical Endocrinologists came out with a statement that all men with a medical condition called Interstitial Cystitis (a bladder condition that affects men) should have a prostate exam.

For most men, the thought of being married to a depressed person is terrifying. In fact, most men are terrified of being in a relationship with a depressed person, because they worry they might be depressed too! This fear, known as the ‘Depression In Marriage’ or DIM, can be crippling for partners who have been diagnosed with depression.

It is not uncommon for men to complain of depression after they retire. It is also not uncommon for women to complain of depression after they retire. The depression isn’t just some vague feeling of malaise; it can have a very real impact on quality of life for both sexes. Therefore, it is unlikely that most men actually choose to retire, and fully understand the impact their decision will have on their loved ones, including their wives.. Read more about is my partner depressed quiz and let us know what you think.


I got hundreds of emails from women and men worried about the effect of irritability and anger in their lives after I published The Irritable Male Syndrome: Understanding and Managing the 4 Key Causes of Depression and Aggression. Many of them are about having a sad spouse or being married to one. This is a typical example of the many I received:

“Last month, a guy with my husband’s face arrived home from work, but he acted nothing like the man I married. I’ve known this man for 30 years, 22 of them married, yet I’ve never met him. He’s enraged, rude, and vicious, to name a few adjectives. He used to be the happiest, most cheerful guy I know. He’s changed from Dr. Jekyll to Mr. Hyde now. I still love my spouse and want to preserve our marriage, despite how he abuses me. Could you please assist me?”

We’re all irritated and furious from time to time, but Irritable Male Syndrome (IMS) has a deeper cause. I discuss a lot of important symptoms of IMS in the book, including hypersensitivity..


These are some of the things that the women who live with these guys say:

  • When I’m with him, I feel like I’m walking on eggshells.
  • I never know when I’ll say anything that will irritate him.
  • He’s like a ticking time bomb, and I never know when it’ll go off.
  • Nothing I do makes him happy.

Men are frequently unaware of their own sensitivities. Rather, they believe that they are OK, but that everyone else is attempting to annoy them. These are some of the things the men say:

  • Please stop harassing me.
  • Please don’t bother me.
  • There isn’t anything incorrect. I’m perfectly fine.
  • Alternatively, they may remain silent. They are retreating into a stifling quiet.

Is this something you’ve heard before? If you suspect someone you care about has IMS, do this quick test to find out.

Consider the previous month. When was the last time you (or your boyfriend) appeared:

Occasionally (1) Occasionally (2) Frequently (3)

  1. Grumpy
  2. Jealous
  3. Gloomy
  4. Impatient
  5. Tense
  6. Hostile
  7. Lonely
  8. Overwhelmed
  9. Annoyed
  10. Touchy

Add the numbers together to get your score, which may vary from 10 to 30.



This man seems to be on a fairly level keel.

He’s between the ages of 16 and 22, and he may be a pain to live with at times.

23-30. You’ve got a guy with Irritable Male Syndrome, which, if left untreated, may progress to depression or violence.

Please contact me with your particular issues if you need urgent assistance. My books and this blog post may also be of interest to you:

What Men and Women Who Love Them Need to Know About Jekyll and Hyde, Irritable Males, and Attachment Love

How has your experience with IMS been? What have you done to make a difference? What are some of your concerns that we may discuss together?

Please leave your thoughts and questions in the box below.

We can only heal when we work together.

Some men suffer from depression, and some have a relatively intimate knowledge of the male psyche. In either case, it can be difficult to know whether your partner’s depression is a life-long condition, or if it’s just a phase. If you’ve been married to a depressed man, you’re probably wondering if your marriage is in jeopardy.. Read more about is my husband depressed or lazy and let us know what you think.